All Of Your Flaws

Part Twenty-Nine

It happened the night of the big Willis meal. Everything had been going far too well for Addison's liking and whenever that happened it was only so long before the careful and delicate barrier she built up came shattering down and slicing her to ribbons.

Relapses were giant fucking assholes. There was no way around that. Relapses were never considerate. Relapses didn't care that you had finally found a grain of happiness and relapses didn't care that there were people who understood, who were caring towards you. Relapses wormed their way into your life and then left once they had succeeded is wreaking the carefully crafted life you'd tried so hard to cling to.

Relapses did nothing but fuck up your life without a single care.

Addison first noticed it while she was at the Willis' house. She sat at the dinner table while Eleanor talked about how proud she was of her children. Of how proud she was of Dylan and how he was going to be amazing in London. At first Addison sat and smiled, she held onto Dylan's hand a beamed with pride. Then she slowly felt that sinking feeling in her chest. The feeling that she really didn't belong at the table.

After dinner she sat in den with Dylan, Niamh and Leo watching season something or other of Grey's Anatomy; correction, Dylan was watching it while Addison, Niamh and Leo viciously mocked and belittled both the show and Dylan's love for it. Apart from some of the music which wasn't too bad, Addison could see nothing right with the show as they seemed to rely on the same pattern when it came to the dialogue and, as Niamh pointed out several times, the 'tragic disasters' were so farfetched it was amazing that the hospital was still open. Dylan had told them all to shut the hell up because Dr Something and Dr What's-Her-Face were trying to save a man's life by performing brain surgery on him while they were trapped in an elevator shaft that was dangling precariously from only a few wires while a Snow Patrol song played dramatically in the background.

Niamh pointed out that the scenario proved her point and Dylan promptly threw a sofa cushion at her because she'd made him miss the moment that Dr What's-Her-Face confessed her love of Dr Something. Addison really had to wonder how on earth the show had been running for nearly ten years.

It was then that Addison began to feel the slow creep of a shadow slinking underneath her skin. Even though Dylan's thigh was pressed up against her own, as well as his arm snaked around Addison's waist, she felt strangely disconnected from everyone in the room. It was almost as if she was watching from outside, being both with and without. She could no longer feel Dylan next to her, no longer feel the echo of the laugh she'd let out at Niamh's mocking of the show or the pull of embarrassment Leo had felt previously when it came to light that he was spending the next day with Poppy. Dylan had ribbed him over for quite some time.

It was like watching suspended animation and as Addison continued to watch, she realised that the feeling inking its way through her body was that of regret. Regret because in a few short months all this would be over. Come September there would be no more movie nights with Niamh, no more falling asleep on the Willis's sofa and waking up with Dylan curled up next to her.

Leo said goodnight at around eleven because he was meeting Poppy in the morning. Niamh soon followed leaving just Addison and Dylan alone. Without realising it Addison gravitated towards Dylan until Addison's head was resting on Dylan's shoulder and every now and then Dylan would plant a feather soft kiss into Addison hair. Dylan's fingers were making small figures of eight against Addison's skin which was incredibly therapeutic but Addison couldn't help but wonder if Dylan could feel the goose bumps she was sure had erupted over her body. Dr Something was separating conjoined twins in the back of a bus that has recently crashed when Addison realised Dylan was gently nudging her with his arm.