All Of Your Flaws

Part Twenty Four

         

Addison needed to run; she needed to get out her room and away from what had just happened because otherwise Addison would drown completely in the words exchanged between her and Dylan. If she stayed in the room any longer, Addison wasn't sure what she would do and that terrified her. She couldn't slip up; she couldn't relapse after she'd been recovering, somewhat with difficulty, over the past months.

Changing quickly into her running clothes and her trainers, Addison grabbed her iPod and hurried to the kitchen to pull a bottle of water out of the fridge. She left a note on the kitchen table for whoever came home first, swiftly went out the back door and along the small path that led out her garden towards the twisting roads and woods by her house. A fine rain had started while she had been inside with Dylan but that didn't matter, Addison had run in thunderstorms before without any care so fine drizzle wouldn't harm her.

As she picked up her pace, the song playing on her iPod changed. Without even getting to the second line of the first verse Addison changed the song, she wasn't about to run to one of Dylan's favourite songs. Dylan. Dylan who had kissed her. Dylan who cared about her and worried about her. Dylan who Addison had thrown out of her room because she was too much of a coward to let Dylan know her feelings. Addison laughed bitterly at that thought; she would always be a coward in that aspect because she had been perfectly content with hiding what she for as long as possible because it actually scared her. Feelings were for people who weren't strung out on anti-depressants most days. That sounded harsh, cruel almost, but Addison knew it was true. Feelings were for people who actually planned their lives and cared about themselves. Feelings weren't for hopeless fuck ups like herself.

She cursed herself for getting close to Dylan but most of all she cursed herself for not seeing whatever it was that Dylan felt for her; then again Dylan hadn't made it known to her and maybe Addison had kept Dylan at a close enough distance for her not to see what Dylan had been feeling.

The deep woods around her were quiet, the only noise coming from Addison's feet crushing leaves beneath her as she ran. These woods ran behind Addison's house along with countless other properties including, Addison realised with a pang, the Willis's property. She tried not to but she couldn't help picturing Dylan driving home, classic rock pouring out the stereo until he came home probably still confused and angry by Addison's actions. No, she had to stop thinking about what had happened between her and Dylan otherwise she wouldn't be able to stop running until she was about to physically drop. Addison was good at locking things away and that was just what she would have to do now, it was better for everyone in the long run.

The thing was that it might have been better but it wasn't what Addison wanted at all. Those brief minutes with Dylan had been enough to make her feel completely alive, something that she hadn't felt in months no matter what she tried. She could pretend that she hadn't felt something, everything really, but she just couldn't and that was going to be the biggest problem of all.

Her muscles burnt as she ran but she knew if she stopped then everything would come crashing over her like a violent wave. Addison had to keep running but the pain in her side, the burn of her legs, made that almost impossible. She wasn't sure if the hurt in her chest was because of how fast she was running or if it was because if what had happened between her and Dylan. She'd ruined everything by telling Dylan to leave; she'd ruined that tiny friendship that might have been forming

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By the time she made it back home, Addison wasn't too surprised to see Brigid's car parked outside. Once inside the house, she heard faint voices coming from the kitchen which soon turned out to be Brigid and Mark's. Brigid was sat at the kitchen table drinking a large mug of what smelt like coffee while Mark was chopping an assortment of vegetables. Brigid raised an eyebrow at Addison as she walked into the kitchen and even without looking at her, Mark pointed to her feet.