Broken Blood

Sober Sister

         The impala hums along the empty stretch of country highway and I sit leaning against the window, peering up into the inky blackness of the night sky. We’d left the apartment in silence, after Dean talked to the landlord about the rent being covered by the hospital and Sam made several phone calls to the supervisors of my case and living conditions. Sam said they’d been apprehensive to approve the change but once they found they were speaking to my brother were somewhat elated to know they were taking me.

There’s a silence in the car, clear and stiff despite Dean blaring his AC/DC album into our ear drums, he’s attempting to drown out thoughts somehow uniform to all of us, unwanted but unavoidable. I don’t want to think about the person I was while on all that medication, the stupid, weak thing I had become. I hate the thought that I was so extremely helpless, so lost and blind, and still I’m angry at the two of them…the three of them actually. Sam, Dean…and dad, how could they think leaving me helpless was the best thing for me? Knowing demons are real, that my nightmares could actually be truth, and that all the doctors could be wrong, how could they just leave me without even looking back?

They told me it was all in my head, totally unarmed me, and made me believe I was insane. My eyes slip down from the moonless sky and look into the rearview mirror, I watch Dean’s eyes focused on the road, till they look up and catch mine, I think I glare back…I want to at least, I should hate them for what they did to me, but I can’t beat down my incredible thankfulness to know that they’re alive.

Then there’s dad. My head droops down, eyes dropping to the floor of the car, the emotions that wash over me are heavy and conflicting. I hate him for leaving one day and never coming back, I hate him so much for dying I could kill something. At least Dean and Sam kept themselves alive and came back to me, the man who’d picked me up as an orphan and swore to my father to always take care of me, the man who became my dad, made me believe he truly loved me like a daughter, left me and never came back. I hate him for being careless and leaving us behind. In direct conflict with the anger I feel are the hot tears stinging my eyes, I almost curse out loud and turn my head back out the window.

The fields of grass and trees whip by and I try to tame my stubborn emotions, my chest feels as though it might cave in, but I drink in a deep breath and hold myself together with a promise to be the opposite of everything I had been while in that apartment.

*Dean’s POV*

Usually, I like silence. Get away from annoying arguments or any stupid emotion-chats Sammy might want to have with me at any moment. But this crap has got to be the most annoying silence there’s ever been in this car, it’s like a friggen’ wool sweater; itchy, annoying, and hot. Not the good kind-a hot either, like “miserable-classroom-with-no-air-conditioning-inside-Satan’s-asshole” hot, the only kind-a hot I hate. I try to keep a cool face as I look into the rearview mirror, only to find Quinn glaring back at me. Creepy, and annoying, the looks away and I look back to the road, wondering if the stubborn kid will ever forgive us, I mean it’s not like we didn’t at least keep tabs on her…well…at first we did anyway. But hell, Sammy ran off and dad was so far off the grid, it’s not like we really had a pretty family to show her. And I mean there were times when I went to visit alone, each of us had I’m pretty sure…we didn’t just…

I can’t really finish that thought, I can’t lie to myself, for all intents and purposes, we abandoned her…but dammit we still love her, that’s why we’re here. I did visit her alone…once.

Flashback

I inch down the hall, big hospital windows line either side of me, I look into each one seeing children like Quinn, rooms covered in pictures of cartoon smiley faces, family members huddled around them like their proximity was the only thing holding the kid together. It’d been a while since I’d seen my baby sister and a part of me felt guilty, but I couldn’t bring myself to pop in before, I’d rather she forget all about us and not have to miss anyone. Finally coming to her door I slow to a stop just beside it, she’s talking and her voice slips quietly into the hall. The voice of a nurse answers her…sounds hot. I round the corner smoothly.