Tainted Blessings • book two

•Nikki•8•

'I'd be alright if you were here.'

I tiredly thought the same line over and over as I watched the nurse take the stitches out of my wrist. She had warned me it might sting a little, but I hadn't felt a thing. I hadn't even became weak stomached when a bit of blood emerged from beneath the skin, but only for a moment before it was quickly dabbed away with a ghost white towel.

Numbness overtook my body as the nurse continued to aid me. Though she and my Mother were in the same room as me, I felt alone.

There wasn't a day that passed that I didn't think about Dean, and the longer I laid here, there wasn't an hour that passed where I wouldn't wonder about him.

At first I was satisfied just knowing that he was alive.

But now I wanted more than that.  I needed more than that. It mentally and physically hurt knowing that he wasn't beside me, holding my hand like he had been when I regained consciousness.

Where was he? I knew he wasn't far. Most likely in the same building as I was, but yet it seemed like he was continents away.

"There you are sweetheart." The nurse commented, "Good as new. Hope it didn't sting too much."

"Thank you so much." My mother responded with a kind smile.

"It's no problem at all," the nurse insisted before giving me a genuine smile, "You're my daughters hero. She's 17 she and has your face plastered on every inch of her wall. Fearless this and fearless that. Thank you for being there for here even if you didn't know you were. She..."

She women paused for a moment before shaking her head with a small laugh, "Just... thank you. I owe you this, for her... I'll quit rambling and leave you to your day. Press the button if you need anything."

My mother gave her a small smile as she walked out the door, but as usual, I couldn't muster up enough strength to respond.

What I did do was think. A lot of thinking. Too much actually. Way too much.

If I had enough energy to cry I would have.

What sort of freaking role model was I?

Girls, boys, teens, they all looked up to me and what did I do? That woman said she had a daughter who adored me. She said I was there for here without knowing and this is how I repaid her?

This is how I decided repay all of my fans?

I should have just fucking died so the burning sensation in my chest wouldn't be destroying me inside right now.

I could feel my breathing quicken as I tried to calm myself, but all attempts were failed instantly.

"Nikki?" I heard my mother ask as the monitor  sped up slightly, "Nikki sweetie what's wrong?"

I remained silent as I shut my eyes, clenching my good hand and imagining Dean's wrapped tightly around it.

I snap my eyes open and release my grip at the sound of a knock on the door.

My mother looked back and forth between the door and myself before reluctantly standing up and walking over to answer it.