💗 Alexithymia 💗

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When I saw Haruka walk by with a club withdrawal slip, I knew it was all over

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When I saw Haruka walk by with a club withdrawal slip, I knew it was all over. Our perfect relay would never swim as one again.

I wasn't mad. I knew Haruka had his own personal reasons for quitting, and that gave me a chance to get ahead of him. He was a prodigy, yes, but I was a hard worker. I had taken careful notes of his technique and was in the process of adapting them as my own. It was a foolproof plan that I was confident of.

The only thing that surprised me was how quickly the end came.

-💗-💗-💗-

Two weeks earlier, Asahi had come up to me, his face serious for once. It was a few months after our win at Prefecturals, and we were preparing for the next season.

"What?" I asked gruffly as he approached me.

"I just came to say goodbye," he said placatingly, spreading his hands. His flame-red hair was messier than usual, spiky strands sticking up haphazardly in different directions.

"What for? I'm seeing you at practice today, idiot," I replied, rather annoyed. "And fix your hair. It looks atrocious."

Instead of arguing back like he would normally do, he threw back his head and laughed. It was a clear, joyous sound- but this time, I could detect a hint of sadness.

"What?" I demanded again, flustered. "What's so funny?"

Asahi sobered a little, his body trembling from small aftershocks of giggling. He stared at me, shaking his head.

"Nothing. And..." All traces of his smile vanished from his face. "I won't be going to practice anymore. I'm moving."

I could hardly believe it.

"Shut up." My mouth moved before I could think. "You're pulling my leg, and I don't appreciate it."

Asahi shook his head. "I'm not. My dad was offered a better paying job in another city, and he took it."

My breathing turned shallow, my heart pumping so forcefully I thought it would burst. I had so many questions, but I managed to keep my mouth shut. What would happen to our relay without a member? Would Asahi be okay moving to another school? What if he saw another swimmer like Haruka and lost all his confidence? All these thoughts ran through my head, swirling in a tornado of thought and finally settling in the back of my mind, where it would continue to bother me for quite a while.

"Look, I'm sorry, Ikuya," Asahi pleaded. "I know you won't be able to swim any relays when I'm gone, but you always have individual events. Maybe one day, someone else will come along and replace me."

"It's- it's not-" I stammered, trying to put my thoughts into words. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't about the relays. I was grateful to him as a friend. Even though he was extremely annoying and ticked me off more often than not, he still cared about me. He saw how badly I was hurting last year, and he took action to step in and help. Time and time again, he proved to me that friendship could exist. I could rely on someone other than my brother.

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