Stay With Me || Lashton ||

8

Warning: triggering thoughts and actions. I do not in anyway condone this sort of behavior and if you need someone to talk to about these things I'm always here...

Ashton's POV

Sometimes everything around you is just so dark and empty. Like you can't see anything, feel anything or know if anything is even around you. Your thoughts are so consumed with negative energy and darkness that you feel as if your head is a deep dark cave. Not even the brightest of flashlights can provide enough light for the dark you feel inside.

I had woken up from a nightmare not too long after I had gone to sleep and I've been lying here empty ever since. It's incredible to me how much thought your mind can put off until you are alone. Like something inside your head hides the bad things from your brain until you are all alone and then they are thrown at you left and right.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to be far away from here in a place where happiness could be a possibility. When I was little, my Grammy used to tell me stories. Her stories always had happy endings and were full of light and love, but that's not reality. When I got old enough to realize that love was a fucking joke that's when I stopped caring about the light. It must've been when I was around 13 when my mum made us leave my dad. I just remember them screaming at each other on a daily basis and fighting about the stupidest things, like me. When my dad left, my mum started bringing around all kinds of men which is how she ended up marrying Dan.

She never loved any of the guys she brought around she just used them and never called them again. So many men in and out of our house and me being pushed further and further to the back burner. I was supposed to visit my dad every weekend but once he started drinking so much I stopped going. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, doing bad things and making my parents fight over me even more. My mum found out that I stopped going to my dads and got full custody of me.

One time when I was about 15 I snuck out to see my dad but I found him dead in his living room with a note. I still keep the note, don't ask me why.

I love you Ashton...

Always fight for what you love -Dad

I thought he was such a hypocrite. He said fight for what you love but he never fought for me. If he loved me that much why didn't he fight for me?

I sighed and got up from my bed. There was only one cure for a night like this. It had been months since I had done this but with all the new nightmares and issues with my mum I just had to do something. I grabbed my pencil sharpener from my desk and unscrewed the small screw like I had done a million times before. I took the small blade between my fingers and dragged it across the smooth skin of my wrist. I pressed just hard enough to let the crimson demons flow out. I had three long cuts on both wrists before I was satisfied.

I hurried into the bathroom to clean up my cuts but just as the water was seizing to run red, the light flicked on. A sleepy looking Michael stood in the doorway and once he saw what I was doing he froze.

"Ashton, what is going on? I thought you were clean." Michael said and grabbed some bandages and rubbing alcohol from under the skin. He sat me on the lid of the toilet and kneeled in front of me.

He cleaned my wrists and wrapped them up for me like he had done twice before.

"Wanna talk about it Ash?" He asked and I shook my head no. "Come on let's get you back to bed." He patted my shoulder and led me out of the bathroom and to bed. He tucked me in and lied down next to me.

"It'll get better Ash. I promise." He whispered before we both drifted off to sleep.

...

I tugged the sleeves down on my favorite sweater and pushed through the doors of my school. It has been two weeks and I was already sick of it. I hardly did my homework and Luke's tutoring was barely keeping me afloat. Maybe a skip day was in order. After my night last night I was not up for any bullshit. I glared at anyone who even breathed my direction and snapped at a few underclassmen who we're waking too damn slow.

I was rounding the corner of the hallway and bumped into something a lot larger than I was. I stumbled back a few steps before looking up to see a dumb jock in a letterman jacket.

"Watch where you're going dweeb." He snapped and pushed me again.

"Dweeb, how fucking original. What is it 1980?" I rolled my eyes and tried to walk away but I was shoved into nearby lockers.

"Who the fuck do you think you are talking to?" the large guy growled at me.

"Well I thought I was talking to you but obviously you didn't hear me asshole." I was so annoyed by this point and he wasn't even that intimidating. I straightened out my sweater and started to walk away again but the guy just decided to keep talking.

"Yeah that's right bastard walk away." And that was it for me. I absolutely hated being called bastard as much as I hated being called a fag. I had a fucking dad he was just...gone.

In one swift motion I turned around with my fist landing square on the other guys nose. Blood immediately started to run from his face and I was breathing hard. Michael was by my side in seconds pushing me down the hallway away from the fight and away from the crowd that had gathered.

"Ashton you are gonna be in so much trouble if he tells the principal." Michael said and I didn't care at this point. We were walking towards the bathroom when I heard a familiar voice.

"Ashton!" Luke called out and I kept walking along with Michael. "Ashton what's wrong?" Luke gripped my wrist and I sucked in a deep breath before yanking it away. Michael gave me a sympathetic look as we turned around to Luke.

"Nothing's wrong. We are just gonna skip today." I said and Michael looked surprised.

"Can I come?" Luke asked and I nearly burst into laughter, he couldn't be serious.

"Seriously?" I asked and looked between Luke and Michael. Michael just shrugged and I smiled at Luke.

"Let's get out of here before Ashton punches someone else." Michael joked and I slapped him. Luke looked confused but we didn't explain and hurried out to Michael's car.

We sped off in the red sports car and Michael knew exactly where I would wanna go. We drove with All Time Low blaring through the speakers and the wind blowing through our hair. I felt free in moments like this. I looked to the backseat to see Luke smiling like a child. I loved that he was innocent to these type of things. I remember when I was new to the dark side of life, now I'm a permanent resident.

>>>>

Sorry I wrote this on my phone and it's late. I will fix any errors tomorrow. This is just a little insight into Ashton's mind...

Sorry about the sad stuff it's just a lot of sad situations in this storyline.

Sorry I'm rambling.

Until I update again :)