My guardian angel

Three

*sigh* It's that day again. That day that all my advisors come to tell me what we need to do and what we need money for. It's boring, and I don't understand anything of what they say. Luckily Dain and Balin do and so I just sit there and listen.

I'd almost fallen asleep but I was nudged and quickly look up to the man speaking, listening to his boring story again about trading with the men of Dale, which they were rebuilding, and if we would send men to help. After Balin told me it in a summary, I nodded, agreeing to sending people. Not that many, for we need to rebuild Erebor as well.

Suddenly I feel a gust of wind, and I shiver lightly. I look around to see if anyone else had noticed, but apparently not. I feel it again, and it annoys me a little. To distract me from feeling it I listen to another advisor. I play with my beard a little and try to understand what he's saying, but to my own surprise, I do, and it's not even boring. I understand everything he's saying and as if someone whispered to me what I had to say, smart words flow out of my mouth. Dain looked at me surprised, and I myself looked surprised as well. "I have no idea where that came from, I just understood it all and thought of some useful plan." I say when I see everyone's questioning faces.

When I get up after the meeting, I feel the wind pass me again. This time, it's as if I can hear it sigh. I shake my head. Wind can't sigh.

-Thorin's POV-

It's terrible. It's absolutely terrible. Okay, dying wasn't that nice, and it hurt a lot, but being dead is worse. I can see Natira, see Laila, and everyone else I left behind, but I can't do anything. I can't touch them, I can't speak to them, I can't even just be there. Well, I am, though they can't see me.

I feel the worst for my wife. Poor Nat. I know she has nightmares, but I have no power over them unless I stay with her in her room. But unfortunately I can't stay long every time I show myself. I have not yet showed her my full form, and she doesn't seem to know it's me. In fact, she blames it on her sleepiness and on her grief that she hears me. It pains me I can't just tell her it's me. She cries every day and it hurts me. It stings in my heart.

Then Laila, my sweet little daughter. She looks a lot like me, and I know that it grieves her even more. On the other hand, it's also a part of me that she still can hold and snuggle with. A couple nights ago, when I watched Natira in Laila's room, they both cried. It hurt me so badly. I said sorry, but she was only shocked and paranoid. I shouldn't have revealed myself so soon. Only minutes later she was willing to let me get her to sleep, and it was the closest I could get to holding her, watching over her and being there for her.

There are some more things you can do as a ghost, but I haven't done that yet. I'm afraid of what might happen. She must learn of my existence first. I will tell her soon enough I think. Maybe I'll just go to her now. I already helped her through the meeting. I smirked when she was so surprised of herself. My clever wife.

I go down and roam through the halls of Erebor as nothing more than a wisp of wind. When I get into her room I stop, sucking in a breath. She has just cleaned herself and she is dressing. She is still as beautiful as she was when I first laid eyes upon her. Why can't I touch her. I long for it and I know she longs for mine. A slow tear rolls down my face and gets stuck in my beard. She can't see me, and I know that. "Natira"

Her head whips around through the room, eyeing everything suspiciously. I chuckle softly. "No, Natira, stop imagining him. You know he's dead. He's not there. Get over it for Mahal's sake!" I sigh at her words and close my eyes. I feel bad for her, but I understand. I try it one more time. "I love you Natira.." Her eyes widen but as she wants to reply, she shakes her head and turns away to get dressed further.

Feeling sorry and bad for her, I go past Laila's room to watch her play for a bit, before returning to heaven. Or, I don't know what it is.. It seems like heaven, I have no idea what I should call it otherwise. I might have better luck next time..