Memento Mori || Poetry

Is It Okay To Die Now?

The bathroom tiles
are forever stained.
A glinting blade
can never be the same.
A bottle of pills
seems to go with a bottle of bleach.
I wonder what can stop me now?

No one.

Remember when I used to paint?
Remember when I used to sing?
Colors and notes on every step,
But now I hate it,
Oh, how I hate it.

You wonder why it's all grey now.
You wonder why it's just noise now.
Everything has gone numb,
Everything has gone wrong.

The paper stares back at me,
My fingers trembling and locked.
The ink has gone dry,
It burned in my mind's eye.

The pen fell from my hand,
Falling and rolling
down to the ground.
Why do the words say
that I need to live?

I have already lived,
I'm telling you I already lived!
Can't you see that I have
already learned?
Can't you see that I have
already fought?
Can't you see that I have
already laughed?
So is it okay to die now?

Hey, is it okay for me to die now?

Why can't you just let me go?
Why can't you see
all the things that I have done?
So why can't I go?
Tell me why I can't go?!

Can't you see that I have
already cried?
Can't you see that I have
already lied?
I can't stand to remain alive!
So is it okay to die now?

Hey, is it okay for me to die now?

The time has already passed me by.
The world has already seen me scream for my stupid pride.
So why do you say I didn't live?
What's your proof I didn't live?

Can't you see that I have
already believed?
Can't you see that I have
already starved?
Can't you see that I have
already suffered?
So is it okay to die now?

Hey, is it okay for me to die now?

I bent down to pick up my pen,
I stared down at the paper again.
Waiting for my fingers to move,
waiting for words from
the small voice in my head.

Yet I heard nothing,
except the pounding in my chest.
My heart in my chest
feeding me the lie that I already lived.

A smile slowly graced my face,
Blank and demented,
I believed that I have lived.

So now I climb up this chair
and wore a rope around my neck.
I let the chair disappear underneath,
let the rope to not let me breathe.

It's okay to die now,
Yes, it's okay to die now.
And as I'm in the brink
of eternal sleep,
The small voice finally speaks,
"You haven't loved."

Oh God, it's not okay.
It's not okay for me to die now.
Because of all the things that I've done,
There's one thing I wish I can do
before I'm forever gone.

Please, let me love.
Please, let me live.
Because I haven't lived yet after all.

- Asteria