Forbidden (BoyxBoy)

Chapter XII: Puzzle Pieces

Jason.

What the hell was I thinking? 

I never should have said yes to the dancing. Things had been manageable before that. I had at least been able to get some work done by pretending I was alone, focusing on the words in the textbook instead of thinking about the feeling of Alaric looking at me. Had he been looking at me?

It was stupid to think that he had, and I cursed myself for even asking myself. The entire hour we'd been working, I'd been caught up in my own head, trying to ignore the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Until it got to the point where I had to do something to distract myself from trying to decode Alaric. 

Music had seemed like a nice, safe topic. And yet it had managed to confuse me further. His collection of vinyls from every genre and era made me want to ask him why he liked each and every one of them. The fact that I wanted to know why he was into things was something that made me feel vulnerable down to my bones. 

Then there was the dancing, and the humiliation of admitting that I had never done it before. He had accepted it so quickly, and been so considerate in trying to teach me. But the weird, confused feeling I had been fighting when I was near him, intensified indefinitely by touching him. Holding his hand had made my face instantly red hot, and the feeling of his slender fingers on my waist had caused my pulse to skyrocket. His delicate touch in the hollow of my shoulder left a lingering, tingling sensation there that stayed with me even now that I was marching down the street away from his apartment. 

Then there was the complete different feeling of his body beneath my fingertips, alongside the sudden realisation that I'd never touched anyone like that before. And that I'd liked it. Why did I like it?

More than anything, I felt dirty. And guilty, because to him it had probably meant nothing. To him, I was just some weird kid from school that had never been to a dance and didn't know how to. And it was impossible that my fingertips had left anything behind on his body worth thinking about. 

I recalled the way my body had frozen when we'd first started dancing, the way him leading me had made me feel out of control and extremely vulnerable. I didn't trust myself around him, and I wasn't used to that feeling. Those last few rounds had been different. Somehow, the longer we danced, the more comfortable I felt. In the end, dancing with Alaric had felt gentle and tender. In those moments, swept up in the music, his glacial eyes and the smell of jasmine, it had felt... right. 

I wanted to hit my head against a wall. 

Heading for the back roads of town, where the treeline of the pine forest met civilisation, I decided to run home through the trees. I could get there in time for dinner and in the meantime flush all the adrenaline out of my system. Two birds, one stone. 

Safely hidden in the forest, I released my wolf with a frustrated groan. Bones shifting, muscles stretching, it felt like taking off an uncomfortable pair of shoes after a long day of walking in them. I sprinted through the forest, my paws pounding against the dirt with deafening thuds. The ice cold air nipped at my fur as I ran, pushing myself to my limits. I absentmindedly followed the scents of home, letting my muscles do all the work as my mind shut off. I could feel the tension in my body releasing like a spring being uncoiled, but the tension in my mind clung stubbornly to my consciousness. Doris Day was stuck in my head, and every time I let my mind wander, the places Alaric touched me electrified. 

By the time I reached my house, I was physically exhausted. Exercise had always been my panacea, and yet right now I felt more restless and perplexed than ever. All my feelings about Alaric were simmering beneath my skin, and I desperately wrangled with them, praying that they would disappear before they bubbled to the surface.