Forbidden (BoyxBoy)

Chapter XVII: Confession

Jason. 

I couldn't even keep it together until I reached the forest line, my wolf form erupting as soon as the trees came into view. The change was fast and feral, my body ripping apart to reveal the physical manifestation of all my anxiety and fear.

He saw it. I know he did. 

As I sprinted through the woods, anger dug its claws into my mind.

This is all my fault. I should never have agreed to hang out with Alaric. I should never have reached out to touch him. I should not feel the way I do about him. It isn't right. 

Amongst the anger and the fear and the anxiety, there was something else: an emptiness at the thought of cutting Alaric from my life. The thread tying us together was tightly coiled, yanking mercilessly at my consciousness as I plummeted through the forest.  

My lungs tightened painfully as I let out a frustrated growl and ran faster.

All the feelings I had been trying to ignore, all the emotions that had been simmering below my skin, were being forced to the surface alongside the realisation that I had completely blown my chances with him. Now he knew - although he would never be able to place it - that there was something wrong with me. He is going to figure out that I'm not completely human, and he's going to be afraid of me.

My heart clenched painfully at the thought of Alaric, with his melodic voice and his pale eyes and his captivating words, fearing me. 

Terror pulsed through me from somewhere deep in my bones, as I realised that losing Alaric would be like losing a part of myself that I had never even realised existed. And that, every time I had thought about or spoken to or even glimpsed at him, the part of my soul that he occupied had grown and grown, so that if it altogether disappeared I would be left completely hollow.

Puzzle pieces were falling into place in my mind.

Like the way I always wanted to figure out exactly what Alaric meant when he spoke.

Like the way, when I closed my eyes, I could picture his face perfectly: high cheekbones, porcelain skin, glacier-blue eyes.

Like the way my body felt like it was on fire when he touched me. How he left lakes of ice on my skin when his hands ceased to touch me.

Like the way my stomach flipped when we spoke on the phone, his voice low and his smile audible.

Like the way I wanted to keep him to myself, that I hadn't told my parents or Zach or Dean or Frankie about him. Because, in a way, I wanted him to be all mine.

Like the way my body pumped with adrenaline in his presence. 

There was no denying it anymore.

There was no confusion. 

My feelings became crystal clear in that moment, every blissful second I'd spent with him weaving together in my mind. 

I liked him.

I wanted him. 

I needed him unlike I had needed anybody else.

And I had probably just lost him. 

I reminded myself that he hadn't looked confused, that he hadn't freaked out when he saw the burn. It was so weird. He had just glanced at the wound, and had gotten that weird, glazed expression he had that first time we had history together. It was a glassy, sickened look that made my insides twist excrutiatingly. 

I mindlessly shifted back into human form upon reaching my house, only to discover hot tears running down my face as reality hit me. 

I'm gay.