It's been a few weeks now and I haven't even dare to speak to Jungkook I'm scared in what he's going to say about me. He's called multiple times but stopped after a few days as he knew he weren't getting anywhere and I needed space to sort my priorities I haven't even left the house. I'm kinda starting to regret it... I'm out of food. I'm also alone with my thoughts.
It's hard fighting a war inside my head everyday.
I slowly get off the sofa wrapped in a blanket as I shuffle my way to the my bedroom, I decided to meet Namjoon today he wanted to talk so I agreed as long as he promised not to tell the others especially Jungkook.
I hate feeling like this, useless. I just close myself off when things get too much making me such an introvert, and I wonder why I have no friends. My eyes hurt as I have no tears left to cry my soul has been sucked out from me I feel like a raisin if I'm being honest and emotionless raisin if that. I wish there was a cure for depression, yeah there are tablets but it doesn't get rid of it, it lasts forever. I wish someone could understand me.
I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling like I have for the past few weeks feeling sorry for myself 'cause that's fun. I sigh thinking about the existence of man kind and why the fuck I was giving this shitty accuse to live. And of course debating whether or not I can be bothered to go outside, "looks like I've got no choice" I mumble as I rummage through my washing basket and pull out a pair of jogging bottoms, I sniff them "mm clean enough" I shrug as I walk to the bathroom
——
I arrive at the coffee shop where I am meeting Namjoon and I look a bit like a rapist who is having a break from raping children...this is what happens when I'm left alone with my thoughts.
"Holly!!!" I'm suddenly engulfed in a hug "I've missed you"
"Uhhh...I've missed you too? Who are you!?" I pull away from the hug to see Namjoon, I face palm myself "Oh gosh of course sorry I just kinda forgot we were meeting I'm really sorry-"
"It's fine. I'm glad to see you again" he starts smiling like an idiot and pulls my chair out allowing me to sit down as we begin to talk.
"So how have you been?" I gulp down my coffee as I look at him innocently as I have a internal panic attack if Jungkook told the others "fine" Namjoon grabs my hand for reassurance "When Jungkook got back after dropping you off after the party he went to straight to his room without saying a word and to this day he never told us what happened, every time we asked what happened and where you were he just responding with 'she's fine she's just sorting stuff out'... what actually happened?" I choke on my drink as I slowly follow my gaze to Namjoon as he looks sad and regretful.
"I can't tell you Namjoon...it's something personal" I look at the floor as I feel a burning in my throat as I blink away the tears "You don't have to tell me! I'm sorry for asking it's just we are all so worried about you and missed you like mad. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable I apologise"
"It's fine I should be the one apologising I have been closed off and ignoring you, I'm sorry" he rubs my hand and nods "let me buy you another coffee and we can talk about anything you like" he flashes me a smile showing off his well known dimples making my heart melt as I nod in response.
——
We were talking for hours in the coffee shop completely losing track of time and he demanded that he walks me home. He suddenly turns to me "Talk to him he's been broken without you... Jungkook I mean" I sigh "I'm not ready I uh need more time" he slowly nods comforting me as we continue to walk "I've never seen him so upset ya know all we've gotten out of him is he needs to fix things" we get outside my house I begin to feel my eyes burn as tears are trying to escape "Are you alrig-'
'Thanks for walking me home I'll keep in touch, bye' I wrap my arms around his neck and run into my house leaving him gob smacked 'I'll get answers from Jungkook' he says to himself as he walks away.
I get inside repeating to myself 'Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry' I hold back my tears taking deep breaths. I'm there for a while my brain trying to process what happened.
I run myself a bath hoping I'll feel better afterwards whilst I'm waiting I decide to text Yasmin
Me- Hey sorry I haven't spoke to you in a while I've just been a bit busy
Yasmin- Hey it's ok, how are you?
Me- I'm fine and you?
Yasmin- Yeah just tired
Me- oh shit I forgot about the time difference go to sleep!!
Yasmin- That's a good idea talk later!
——
I get out the bath putting on some clothes drying my hair and sulk to see all the cupboards empty 'really I have to go outside, again' I slam the cupboards close as I grab my keys and go outside.
I walk to the nearest shop when I spot a familiar person grabbing random things off the shelf, I walk towards him and to my surprise it's jhope 'hey, jhope right?'
'Omg Holly!? And yeah it's me but just call me Hoseok' I giggle 'ok Hoseok'
'Damn my English speakeu no good' every time he speaks in English I have a laughing fit and he just goes along with it. I'm glad he keeping my company I really needed it.
I go to pay as I'm stopped by Hoseok with his bank card 'I pay' he really emphasises on 'I' making me giggle and say thank you in Korean 'Damn you say Korean' I laugh again at his silliness.
We walk outside the store and unfortunately he has to go the opposite direction 'Thank you again for paying and making me laugh'
'Nah it's fine. I've missed you, where you been' I smile and say 'I've been in my head too much and I promise once I return I will see you all but the journey back is a long and hard flight so don't wait up for me as it might be delayed a a lot maybe for weeks on end. I'll try and sped the process up but it's not others decision it's the pilot. Being on this trip has made me relise how I don't want to come back it's scary so I'll try hard to not make my stay long but I thank the passengers for being understanding, thank you' he looks at me in awe as he try's to process he brings me in for a hug 'I hope it's not delayed' I hug back tightly as I pull away.
——
I get home from my trip feeling refreshed and in the right mind set. *buzz* I hear my phone and I see I got an email
Dear mam,
We though we would take it personally to send you this email to inform you the release date of Ms Day of the 17th May from County Prison
I drop my phone holding my hand to my mouth shaking
'My mum is coming out of prison'
A/N:
OooOoO cliff hanger!!!
I really don't know where I'm taking this story it's a mess right now I'll try and figure something out... I guess 😂
Sorry for bad grammar
Hope you liked it!
사랑해 😘
