The Butterfly Effect

17. What You Want Is Not What You Need

As I laid there in the stillness of the night, Louis' arms draped over me, I ran my fingers across the knots on his body and the defense wounds on his hands. I know nobody signs up to give away their body freely, much less put their signature on a dotted line to be abused like this. Just because Trevor was a paying customer didn't mean that Louis did not have rights.

Even though Louis tried to act confident and sassy, I could tell below the surface he was unsure of himself. He had so many ambitions he wanted to accomplish but felt trapped. I could tell he wanted to commit to me but was afraid. Maybe he was afraid that he'd drag me into his dangerous life or he knew he'd have to give himself to some people (well it's more of a choice but that's beside of the point) and couldn't be faithful.

Whatever the reason, I knew I could not let this continue. I was not sure what it would change. For all I know, it could create a world war or end a entire country; well maybe that's exaggerating but is untelling with this. I just hope it didn't kill anyone else, like Kyle. I could only hope something minor happened, and for the better. One thing for sure: I was going to try.

I gently kissed Louis' cheek and petted his hair before I carefully put his hand on top of my butterfly tattoo, putting my hand over his. I reeled back down, observing his memories backwards. Some I wanted to look away from, but I couldn't. There was Trevor at his apartment, trapping him in the corner and pleading for him to stay. There was his and my date, I loved that.

I watched his memories fly by for hours, some I never wanted to see again like the time he lost his virginity to some dim witted drunken girl at a party. Oh, Louis – what were you thinking? On the flipside, I got to watch him lose his virginity to some guy who looked attractive but defiantly wasn't right for him. Do I have a right to be jealous? I watched him move here to Holmes Chapel, and the bus travel backwards to Doncaster – where he told me he was from. He was beginning to look younger now.

I watched as his mother walked down the aisle. I knew I was getting close. Then, I saw his mother being flirted with some man in the supermarket; one that looked an awful like the man she walked with down the aisle. This is where I needed to intervene. This is where I needed to do something but I don't feel like it's the right time to stop just yet. I kept the memories reeling.

Louis looked about 14, sitting at the kitchen table with his family. His mother was talking about losing her job due to not having affordable childcare, crying on the phone. His sisters appeared oblivious to the conversation, but not Louis – he is tuned in and pushing his peas around on his plate.

This is where I needed to do something. That way, she would never feel the need to remarry and be dependent on someone else. Maybe she would have been working instead of meeting that douche at the market. What can I do? Since he is 14, that makes me 12 in these memories....and I'm in Cheshire...God, I never thought things through, did I?

I watched from a distance as Louis continued to push around his peas, tears formed at his waterline. I listened as his mother continued the conversation, oblivious that anyone else was paying attention.

*Time Skip to Present Time*

A piece of my butterfly wing had faded. I didn't have many left and I hoped it would be enough to get Louis out of that life that he was living.

When I woke up, he wasn't in my arms. Apparently, I did change something though I wasn't sure what. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again. Maybe he stayed in Doncaster and never had any desire to leave his hometown now.

"LAD!" I heard a familiar voice attached to the person knocking on my door.

I yawned. Going back in time always made me exhausted, and don't make fun of me, it would you too.

"What Ni? Come in!" I reply.

"Olivia and I are going out for ½ price drinks down at that Regal bar. Wanna go?" He asked walking over to my bed and sitting down.

"Where's Louis?" I blurted out without asking.

Niall raised his eyebrow at me as if he's confused. "I don't know a Louis...wet dream?" He laughed. I shake it off, trying to not look crazy.

"Okay, you caught me. Be ready in 5!" I said as I ran to shower and change my clothes.

I tried not to overanalyze it. I mean, if it got him out of that horrible situation he was in, it was all worth it but the narcissist in me wondered how it all ended up. Just last night, he told me he loved me in his sleep, subconsciously. Now, he won't even know who I am or that we made love 3 times. He won't remember the late night conversations, the kisses, the laughs. He won't remember looking into my eyes and me looking back, hoping one day he'd be mine.

& he was mine, if only for a little while. He said he loved me. He said he loved me and meant it. He made love to me. He spoke words of love to me. He was love; and I don't know if I'll ever feel that way toward anyone else ever again.