The Butterfly Effect

19.2 All of Me

"You drive me crazy, Harry!"

I giggled as I heard him continue with his words of love, feeding my ego as I stroked his tip over and over again. Though I could tell his body was jolting with pleasure, he was more focused on giving me compliments, making sure I knew how much he adored me.

"Let me touch you now," he begged. "I need to, baby. I need to!"

Louis wiggled a bit, trying to get out of my grasp but I kept teasing him with my tongue until he let out a throaty moan.

"Just relax," I cooed as I placed his hand on top of my head. "You seem like you have a hair pulling kink. We can try it if you want," At least I know he used to, and judging by the curse word he just released, he still did.

"I'm thirsty," he licked his lips and tried to stand on his feet. I gently pushed him back down, kissing his neck feverishly. He started giggling, still trying to stand up. "I just need a second."

I whined, feeling cold and empty as Louis got up and walked toward the bathroom.

I could hear the water running. I sat on the bed, waiting patiently for Louis to return. When 10 minutes passed, I tried to twist the doorknob, but it was locked. I knocked softly at first.

"Louis.....you alright?" I asked as I tried to come in, though I knew the door was locked. "Are you sick?"

I waited a few more minutes but when I didn't hear anything, I sat back on the bed and put my head in my hands. I wasn't sure what was going on, what I did, or what provoked this sudden turn of events. I thought I was doing everything right. I guess maybe this was too much. Should I go back and time and erase this date out of his memory?

Before I could touch my butterfly tattoo, Louis came out of the bathroom, a towel draped sloppily over his head. He was soaking wet, dripping puddles of water into the floor. He approached me cautiously, sitting down beside of me, putting his feet on the bed, and curling into a ball, and placing his head in my lap.

I removed his towel and began to run my fingers through his cold hair, sitting in the silence, still contemplating going back in time.

"You wanna talk about it?" I whispered, trying to soothe him.

I watched as he nodded and hugged up to my thighs, innocent and somber. "I've never shared this with anyone before but I haven't had sex with someone in a long time."

"Me either," I replied quickly. "It's why I wanted it to be special."

"Freshman year, during rush week, there was this guy. He was one of the leaders of the frat and he was hazing us. He seemed to take a liking to me, promised me a spot if I did everything he said. It was the worse week of my life. At first, we had to do the usual shit – having to drink ungodly amounts of alcohol in record time or drinking hot sauce, yeah as I said stupid shit. At one point, they used sharpie markers to draw on our bodies and tell us what we needed to improve upon. I didn't need much," he lightly laughed, though I could still hear the sorrow in his tone. "Anyway, you know how it is. You're in a frat, too."

"Hazing is illegal, Louis." I say firmly, petting his hair. "I wasn't hazed but I've heard stories...I'm sorry."

"I made the final cut and thought I was in but the guy that kept hazing me, giving me special attention. He walked into my dorm one night and said I had to give him favors...." Louis stopped speaking for a few minutes, trying to gather his thoughts. "And I did. I'm disgusting. I just wanted in the fraternity so bad, Harry. I just did. He graduated a year later and I haven't seem him since, but I haven't been able to give myself to anyone because I feel so...disgusted with myself."