Gianluca Ginoble and I

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

*Gianluca’s point of view

         

It was past ten, and I couldn’t find Naomi anywhere.

I had checked in all the bedrooms, and looked around outside, and I was getting nervous.

My mother and Ms. Kendall were sitting together at the bar.

“Have either of you seen Naomi?” I asked them.

          My mother turned worriedly to Ms. Kendall.

          “Have you been looking for her?” she asked me.

          “Yes, and I can’t find her anywhere!”

          “Have you checked the roof?”

          “The roof!?” I was bewildered. “Why would I have checked the roof?”

          “Well, sometimes when she has a panic attack, she likes to sit on the roof. I guess it makes her feel…united with nature, you know?”

          “Oh!” I said, my worrying intensifying. “I’ll go check.”

          “Just give her a few minutes to calm down, and then check on her.”

          I nodded, and then turned to sprint up the stairs.

          In her room, I sat on the unmade bed, forcing myself to wait for what felt like forever. I ran a hand nervously through my hair and rubbed my hands in nervous circles over my jeans, imagining Naomi shaking and crying on the roof, alone.

          That night in her yard when she was having a panic attack was terrifying. It might be selfish of me to think so, because she was the one with the actual attack, but it was such a scary thing. But I will play calm, if it will help her.

          I went to the window and pushed it open the rest of the way. I gripped the frame, pulling myself through it. I twisted and gripped the roof, using the frame as a step to hoist myself up.

          And there she was…sitting cross-legged at the other end of the roof, crying, gasping, her curls rustling in the Abruzzo breeze.

          She glanced over at me and rubbed her eyes.

          I crawled over to her and sat next to her, taking her hands in mine.

          She looked up at me, her eyes red, her lip trembling.

          “Is it over?” I whispered.

          She nodded.

          I brought her hands gently to my lips and kissed them.

          Then I moved to sit behind her as I had done on the beach, wrapping my arms around her middle and pulling her to my chest.

          She leaned back against me and tucked her head under my chin. She was shaking a little, and every once in a while she gasped for breath. I held her firmly and carefully wiped the tears that ran down her cheeks with my thumb.

          I could tell she was exhausted by the way she leaned against me.

          “Naomi, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but what does a panic attack feel like? Not physically, I mean.”

          She was quiet for a moment and I thought she wasn’t going to answer, but then she said, “It feels like the world is about to collapse, and I’m the only one who knows. It’s terrifying…”

          She looked up at me and I took the opportunity to gently kiss her.

          “Why the roof?” I asked.

          “I love the outdoors, and I don’t usually have panic attacks when I’m out exploring. Being on the roof just makes me feel…connected with nature.”

          A gentle summer breeze blew over us, and I think I understood what she meant.

          “So what can I do, Naomi? To help you when you have panic attacks?”

          She looked up at me and kissed me.

          “This. Just hold me and remind me that I’m okay.”

          The shaking was slowing, and she seemed to be breathing easily.

          I smiled a little.

          “Are you okay now?”

          “Yes, just…tired.”

          “Do you want to go in?”

          “Not yet. I need to rest a little to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

          “It can happen back to back?”

          “Unfortunately.”

          I remembered that she likes to listen to Il Volo to relax after her attacks, and I decided that I’d have to do.

          “Have you listened to the English version of

“Constantemente Mia” yet?”

          “No, not yet,” she said, “I lost my phone again.”

          I took a deep breath, then began to sing, “Here alone… I wish you were here to hold. Time is moving much too slow without you. When it gets too hard, you’re never too far. I bring you to my senses, senses. I see you when I close my eyes. I feel you on my fingertips; I taste you on my lips…”

          She looked up at me and watched me sing for a while, then lay back against me, listening…

          When I finished, she got up and turned to kneel in front of me. She reached out and placed her hands gently on my jaw line, her thumbs on my neck, and brought her forehead to touch mine.

          I couldn’t breathe, transfixed by her delicate touch and her beauty.

          She moved my face upward to kiss me.

          I closed my eyes and reached out my hands to touch her back, experiencing the sensation of her lips on mine.

          My heart sang, and she pulled back, smiling at me, still holding my face.

          The breeze rustled her hair, and she shivered.

          “Let’s go in,” she said softly, and I let go of her.

          I watched her cautiously stand and walk over to where the open window was. I lingered on the roof for a moment, smiling at Abruzzo laid out before me, the last words of my song seeming to hover in the air.

          Then I got up and followed Naomi inside.