Gianluca Ginoble and I

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

          I sat on my favorite bench in the dim garden light, dangling my feet and watching the bunnies.

          As I sat, a familiar feeling started to creep into my chest. I immediately straightened, uncrossing my legs, my eyes wide.

          There was a pounding in my chest, and my heartbeat raced.

          My senses heightened, and the quiet was deafening. I couldn’t breathe, and my eyes were wide. Panic was pressing at my mind, and the shaking started.

          My first impulse was to scream, to run out of there, but I forced myself to sit still.

          I desperately tried to breathe, but my body wouldn’t comply.

          I tried to accept the feelings, as I had been advised, and I sat feeling the horrible pulsing, racing, shaking. I stared blankly ahead of me and gasped for air.

          I felt as if the world was about to end, I was going to die, and I was the only one who knew. The space around me pressed in on me, and I forced myself to sit still, reminding myself that it would all be over in a moment.

          I was shaking so violently, and the pulsing hurt.

          The screen door slammed next door, and I winced.

          Don’t move, don’t move. You can handle this. Just let it happen.

          I heard Gianluca walking around the house to his front yard, then he walked back. The grass crunching echoed in my mind.

          The feeling was unbearable, and I wanted to scream.

          My heart was beating so fast.

          “Good evening, Naomi!”

          I couldn’t answer. I wanted to run, but I made myself stay. I reminded myself that everything was going to be okay.

          He’ll understand. Just let it happen.

          “Naomi?”

          I heard him come to the fence.

          The painful pounding continued, and I felt as if the world was going to collapse. I closed my eyes as the pain filled me, and I gasped for air.

          “Naomi!? Are you okay!?”

          He could see me now.

          My nails dug into my thighs, and I stared ahead, determined to stay.

          He jumped over the gate and rushed to the bench.

          “Naomi?”

          I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t look at him. I could only shake and hurt and experience the panic squeezing me.

          Gianluca knelt in front of me.

          I stared wide-eyed above his head.

          “Naomi, are you okay? Please answer me!”

          I couldn’t speak. He reached out and touched my cheek to get me to look at him.

          “Should I get someone? I’ll go get someone, okay?”