From We to Me...

Hijab Is My Crown

Uncle Umars gift was really amazing. It had a sling college bag that was printed "Dr in the making."  The bag contained personalised stationery and motivational quotes. I eventually found what Zaid threw on my bed. It was a Carlton hair voucher for a full hair treatment. Attached was a note that said " spoil yourself." I could not understand these mixed signals. Was he actually proud of me and my achievements or he couldn't accept it? Only time could answer that.

Before I knew it I was a first year med student. Due dates, tests and practicals soared at me. My favourite subject was anatomy. I focused on my Studies as to not disappoint myself, parents and sponsors. I barely saw Zaid on campus but he would text me regularly. Sometimes his quirky comments and compliments motivated me greatly. I guess he was proud of me. I misunderstood him.

Two months into the semester he insisted we meet. I was free after 3 on a Friday afternoon. I agreed to meet him at the coffee shop across the medical campus. At about 3.20 he arrived. "Hello there madam." he flashed a heart melting smile. "Hello there Mr dentist in the making." He laughed. He scanned my appearance from head to toe. I felt a little uncomfortable and began squirming. "You look nice" he said. "Who said drs are confined to white coats and scrubs. I choose to be more of the stylish type." We chatted about random things while our coffee arrived.

"So did you enjoy your Carlton hair voucher?"
"I absolutely did. Thank you again."
"Show me what you got done to your hair."
I laughed at his joke but he didn't. "what do you mean?" I asked.
"Show me what you did with you hair. Did you cut and colour it?"
"Yes I did both" I replied confused
"So show me then."
"Are you kidding? I am not going to take my hijab off to show you. You not my Mahram." I was annoyed. How could he ask for such a thing? 
"I know I'm not your Marham but I paid for your hairdo, not for you to hide it under a cloth." 
" A cloth?? It's not just a cloth. It's my Hijab. It's my modesty. It's my religious obligation. And No I will not take it out for you." 
He stared at me. It was as though he never heard the word No before. 
He slammed  a R100 note on the table and walked out. I Sat there with anger and hurt boiling inside me. I paid the bill and stormed to the car. 
What right does he have over me? How dare he? I fumbled to find my key in my bag and in the process dropped my things. Jared and Liya noticed and came up to help me. They were both in my classes. "Are you okay?" Liya asked as she picked up my files. "Yes I think I am. Thank you." 
Jared just stood and watched. "You don't seem okay." she repeated. 
"I guess I have just been humiliated."
"What do you mean?" she looked at me. 
"Some guy asked me to remove my head scarf for him." I exclaimed "How dare he!" 
"Calm down my dear. You right. How dare he! It's your preference and it doesn't make you any different." she held my hand
"of course it does make her different." We both looked at Jared. "We don't even know how to treat you." 
"What's that supposed to mean?" Liya asked. 
"It's true. A few of us guys discussed it. Are we even allowed to talk to you or not or is it against your shariah law."
I was gobsmacked. It never occurred to me that I was seen in such a negative light just because of my hijab. 
"Leave her alone Jared. I have to say you are highly ignorant." Liya shouted out. 
I managed to get my car open and offered to take Liyahome. She accepted my offer. 
"Don't take their comments to heart dear. They a bunch of ignorant air heads." I smiled at her. "I appreciate you standing up for me. I have never been faced with such negativity before. I honestly assumed that hate towards Muslims was just overseas and we live in a multi cultural and religious society." Oh boy boy was I so wrong. Even Muslim men behaved that way. 
On  the positive side I got to know Liya better. She was also a scholarship recipient. I really enjoyed her positive attitude, her ambition and her bravery. After exchanging numbers I drove back home. Both Zaidand Jareds words boomed in my ears. I was always comfortable draping my hijab. Being careful to buy beautiful prints and colours. I never saw it as a threat or a symbol that made me unattractive. Once I got home I realised how much I have been shielded from. Nani was only one home. She just looked at me and instantly knew something was up. I  broke down to her about my experience. I did not give her much details about Zaid but with relevant information. She listened without interruption. 
As soon as I was done sobbing she took my hand in hers "My dear darling granddaughter you are hurting. Cry as much as you like but I am so proud of you. I am proud because it hurt you when someone picked on your religious belief and conviction. This tells me what a staunch muslimah you are. Perhaps I can understand the non Muslim boys perspective. All he knows and sees about Muslims is from the bad on TV. As for the Muslim boy, I feel sorry for him. He has rejected beliefs of his own faith. You my darling are the image of many broken stereotypes. You have a huge responsibility to fulfil them. Achieve what you want but remember you are a muslimah. You represent your religion. So go out there and prove to these people that no matter what they think, you will be great. You will wear your hijab and with that you will achieve great things. It's not a barrier but rather a protection for you. Be the top of class while wearing your hijab. Show them that Muslim women are intelligent minds capable of doing great things. "
My nani was the most intelligent woman I knew. Exhausted I feel asleep on her bed. All her things always had the smell of roses. A sweet comforting scent that made everything okay. 
My eyes opened 3 hours later. I heard chatter downstairs. My stomach rumbled with hunger. After washing up I made my way downstairs. Enzo my beloved cat raced me down. Carefree and playful. As I entered the kitchen everyone greeted me. While eating the doorbell rang. Apparently "the boys" were coming to watch a match again. My stomach turned upside down. Zaid again.... 
I insisted mummy and nani stay with me in the kitchen and after that they join me upstairs for a girls night. I just couldn't risk being alone. Zaid would definitely find the opportunity to slip into my room.