FAKE

fourteen

When I wake, a gentle breeze circulates through the back of the truck. It slips through my empty fingers and that's when my heavy eyelids manage to open.

I examine my lone hand in a sleepy daze. Realizing that Ross had left my side, I sweep the truck with my eyes and breathe a relieved sigh.

The door is pushed up, and I can see Ross and Adam sitting on the edge.

"-I'm just worried you're getting distracted," Adam explains to Ross. Ross scoffs at him.

"Distracted? God, you're acting like I'm in love or something-"

"You look like it."

"Well I'm not. I don't love her, and I'm not distracted!" He snaps. Adam shakes his head.

I rest the hand that he held last night over my heart and clutch at my t-shirt.

"I saw you holding her last night," Adam continues, but before he can finish is argument Ross cuts him off.

"So what, I had my arm around her. Just because I don't have feelings for her doesn't mean I shouldn't keep her happy."

My throat tightens and I sit up quickly. I don't have the stomach to listen to him any more. They both turn when they hear me rustling my sleeping bag as I push it off and get out.

I could finally see his face set in a hard expression, but as soon as his eyes met mine it crumbles. He knows.

"Court, hey-" He starts, but I don't have the patience to deal with it at this point.

"Don't talk to me." I hiss at him and quickly brush past him.

"Courtney, you're taking this out of context-" He starts to follow me and pulls me back by my arm in some desperate attempt to explain himself.

"Shut the hell up. And leave me alone while you're at it." I wrench my arm away and whirl back around. I head towards the rest stop bathroom, needing somewhere he can't follow me.

I storm into the bathroom and lock the door behind me, then without even being able to take a breath, a low sob pushes up from the back of my throat.

I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid for trusting him.

I'm so stupid to believe that he could ever change.

I told myself this wasn't going to happen, that it wasn't supposed to. He wasn't supposed to be vulnerable again. I wasn't supposed to be willing to let him in again.

And yet, here I am crying in the dirty bathroom of a rest stop of somewhere I've never been, suffering the same heartbreak all over again. Except this time, I can't cement the fact that he's gone when he's always right there.

I can't accept living without the him that existed, that I loved, when he's still alive and kicking, but very much a stranger now.

How could a stranger know the smallest things nestled in the depths of my very soul?

Everything that had been suppressed to a dull ache up until this point came crashing through in full force.

I wish I had jumped that day that I thought he died.

I wish I could have just hurtled over the ledge and left.

It wouldn't have hurt as much as I do now.

After what felt like a short eternity, I start trying to calm down. Gasping, I stumble towards the sink and grip the sides of it to keep my balance.

I take a deep breath, hoping I've finally recovered, but when I exhale, another cry escapes quietly.

Someone knocks on the door and purely out of rage, I glare at the door. He isn't supposed to follow me and trick me back into the same cycle.

"I told you to piss off!" I snap, and my voice breaks as I struggle to keep my cool.

"It's Aria," She announces from the other side of the door. "I just wanted to know if you're okay.." Her voice was saturated with what I could only desperately hope was genuine sympathy.

"Almost." I answer and open the door for her. She rushes in and pulls me into a massive hug without any warning. I wasn't exactly prepared for it, but I needed it somehow and didn't resist.

"I didn't hear much of it, all I saw was you stomping off." She tells me. Her hand is gently stroking the top of my head. She's doing her best to help me compose myself.

I finally start needing the space and let go of her. She watches me sadly as I go back towards the sink and wash my face.

My eyes are red and swollen, so I take a few minutes for some of the puffiness to go down.

Aria wets a paper towel and lays it across the back of my neck. Its cooling sensation helps me pull it together again.

I think I've finally regained myself and turn to face her.

"Thank you." I muster the strength to speak carefully.

"Of course," She nods. Her sad eyes are still considering me worriedly.

She leads me back towards the truck. I can see Ross staring at me in utter shock and hurt. I hope my face isn't as red as it was.

His eyes meet mine for only a second. He knows what he has caused.

I break our stare and turn to Aria.

"Do you mind if I ride in front with you?"

"That's alright," she nods.

I head to the passenger seat on my own as she hangs back to close the door.