A Marine Turned Assassin {NCIS}

The Letter

This is the letter Gibbs read in chapter 25.

Dear Dad,

If I know you at all, which I do, then I know you've probably been angry for a while, maybe not at me like you should be, but at someone, and even after reading this it'll take you a little longer to stop being angry, and start to see why I did what I did. You do that a lot, pushing you emotions into anger because that's easier for you to handle.

I know that if you are reading this, I'm already gone. I didn't start out writing this to relay the decisions that made me want to end my life- and I'm not going to talk myself out of it- I don't expect you to understand me to every extent but please keep your mind open.

I was a murderer Dad.

I couldn't risk hurting you all, I couldn't gamble with the chance that I would hurt one of you. I was a trained killer, groomed to be one thing, I had already killed innocent people and what made you guys so different?

It's not like I didn't kill anyone while I served with the Marines, but killing innocent people was unforgivable, and I left their families with the devastation. Me of all people should know about the devastation a murdered loved one produces. I didn't deserve to live, no more than those people deserved to die. I couldn't live with myself.

Trust me Dad, I'm going to tell you something because I know that no one else will think of telling you, and I know that you need to hear it.

It was best that I died.

Your gonna fight that, but it's true, even if you don't admit it to yourself, it's true.

Dad I need you to listen to me now, okay? I need you to know that you need to be happy.

And don't give me some bullshit about not being able to be happy because I wasn't, and don't feel guilty about being happy when I couldn't be happy myself.

The world might seem like crap and things might seem dark but don't you dare let that feeling weigh you down, it to did me and see where it took me. You're stronger than me though Dad, you always were.

I want you to be happy.

Most importantly, I want you to live your new life completely with no regrets.

Don't feel guilty for living.

You have a life, you have Jenny (trust me Dad your lucky to have her, she's the only person since Shannon who can understand you and I have no clue who else would put up with your miserable bastard attitude maybe you should make her wife no.5)

You have LJ- you've got to be there for him Dad, he's a good kid, and he deserves a father like you to teach him everything you taught me.

You've got Tony and Tali and Tim and Abbs and Ducky and Jimmy and Bishop and even Vance; don't shut them out.

I'm sorry about how I'm going to end it. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you and I'm sorry for everything I put you through, really.

There was a saying I once heard, any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.

I would like to thank you for being that someone special, and giving me the best life I could ask for.

I love you, Dad.
Goodbye.
Azzie.