Adjustment of Attitude

Part 4

Sleep is restless. The height of my arousal sis on the edge of my mind and body. Cold water doesn't help. Every toss or turn brings the image of Evan between my legs while Garrett whispers in my ear.

Garrett works as a profiler in some alphabet agency. He never explains his long trips or the nature of his work. We've learned long ago it is best not to ask and thus the household adopts a certain cone of silence around our professional lives. This makes our intimate personal lives all the more important to remain open, honest and transparent. Compartmentalization in some areas is fine. In all areas, it only set you up for isolation and none of us can afford it. This is exactly what the reset vote accused me of doing. Existing, not living.

At dawn, the sun ries and beams across my bed. With a deep sigh, I throw off the covers and head back to the shower. Steam fills the room, as I let the sound of running water lull against my sense. When I ca no longer see inside the room, I step under the water. The hot spray pounds against tight muscles. My hands slid down my slick body when I cover them with shower gel. They trace my inner thighs, where Evan's tongue moved across it last night.

I moan in frustration. Yet I force them to edge closer without violating Garrett's command. Each pass makes me more aware of my body than I've been in months. The shower was meant to lower my need, instead it serves to ignite it into an inferno. With too much force, I slam the faucet off and breathe the thick steam deep into my lungs.

"Did the shower help?" Evan's disconnected voice comes through the thick fog.

"Not even a little." I mumble.

I open the shower door and step onto the mat. Evan wraps a long, thick towel around my body.

"You're not in service to me. I am nothing but your equal."

"By saying you are nothing but... lowers my status. Do you believe because I choose to submit I am lower or less than the dominants I serve?"

His question stuns me into silence. "You know I do not believe that."

"Your words are as impactful as your actions, Ma'am. A wise woman told me, it takes confidence, self-understanding and a choice to submit- it takes trust to surrender. The question I will ask you, at some point during this weekend, can you trust us enough to surrender, cast off this horrible path you've chosen and let us meet your needs as you meet ours?"

I stand in shock. The only path before me is surrender. They will not take a simple choice to submit.

"And if I can't find such a place within me?" I ask solemnly.

"Then we, as a household, will find ourselves in a place of separation from which we may not return. This is the one place we must be open. It is why we all chose this lifestyle and why we all put these precautions in place. I'm telling you nothing you do not know."

I nod.

"I've lain your clothes out on your bed. Once dressed, you will find coffee and a small breakfast on your desk. I did not believe you'd want a large meal."

"Thank you, Evan. I do not know how I got so lucky to receive such impeccable service."

"You are a wonderful teacher, Ma'am." He steps into my personal space and tips my chin to look up at him, a move he rarely attempted in our normal dynamic. With tenderness, he covers my mouth in a soft kiss. His tongue doesn't demand but asks for entrance. I gasp in shock at his boldness. His persistence is rewarded seconds later when a moan escapes from my lips. With a slight hesitation, he steps back and looks into my eyes.

"Please let us back in. You are loved."

Evan bows and walks out the door.

The conversation sends my disjointed thoughts skittering to the four winds. Ahead lay a long day of meetings, conversations, directions and work I do not know if I can complete before sunset.

I walk into my room. On the bed lay a black shirt and a pair of wide bottom yoga pants. The top, though not much more than a mock turtleneck, would give me the appearance of formality on a video conference while the yoga pants provide comfort. I smile at the Evan's thoughtfulness.

I padd down stairs in my bare feet, a few minutes later, and step into my office. The aroma of coffee assaults my senses. Grateful for its presence, I boot up my computer and get to work, hopeful for the yeilds of the day.

Hours pass without notice. It doesn't feel like I ever look up from the computer screen. Once an hour, my desk adjusts its height to a standing position or a sitting one, as it alternated between the two. I barely noticed the change it forces on my body, other than chasing my keyboard up or down. Conference call after conference call distract me, along with constant borage of email. It looks like I am taking weeks off instead of two days based on the way everyone acts.

"That was a far better investment than I imagined." Garrett says from the door as he watchs my desk rise to a standing height. "At least you aren't sitting in one place all day."

His presence normally comforts me. Today it sends anticipation, trepidation and frustration up my spine.

"What brings you all the way down a floor this afternoon?" I ask, forcing a smile to appear with each word.

"You." The word is a statement. All the explanation he felt he needs.

"What did I do now?" I sigh without glancing up from my computer.

"Tess." My name sounds like a caress. "This is personal, not business."

"I think you have the phrase backward."

"No, I have the phrase exactly right. If this was business, it would not matter that my world revolves around you or that Evan worships the mere ground you glance upon, much less step on. You meet our needs so deftly it can make us feel like we are failing you when we don't meet yours. It hurts us to see you struggle in yourself when we can meet your needs too. Business would mean I could compartmentalize these feelings and they would not touch my heart, but you are my heart."

I lift my head and stare at Garrett. The tortured look on his face rips through me.

"I don't think I can do this Garrett. The reset rite tears any of us down to our bare selves, force us to face the things we are refusing to face. Maybe that part of me no longer exists and I just long for what is not there. I can't remember the last time I knelt, let alone gave up enough to surrender."

Without hesitation, Garrett walks over and spins me around. I gasp in surprise but the demanding kiss swallows it. His tongue forcs its way between my lips like it is the first time. Our tongues dance and swirle around each other. Each vying for a dominance.

My fingers graze against the soft material of his shirt. When I try to venture further, he grabs my wrists and pins them behind my back. The position forces my breasts to jut forward and submit to his hold or lose my balance. His kiss slows to deep exploration with no obvious direction or rush. A deep groan rumbles through his chest while he consumes me. In mine, my heart beats wildly. Time stands still. The kiss moves from sweet and soft to scorching and demanding; and back again. Between my legs I'm soaked.

With an effort, Garrett ends the kiss but doesn't release me.

"Looks like that part still exists. You are beautiful when you surrender. You just need let go." He says against my ear.

Once steadied on my feet, he releases me.

"I'll let you get back to work. The sun sets in four hours and then your world changes." The heat in his eyes does nothing to douse the fire burning through my body.

I stare at his back as he walks out the door. With an effort, I force my concentration back to the work in front of me. Three names flash in my instant messenger. They demand my attention. I grabb the papers on my desk and struggle to dive back into work but my mind and body continue to wonder elsewhere. The next four hours would feel like four days at this rate.