Adjustment of Attitude

Part 8

"Good morning gorgeous." A disconnected voice whispers and I feel his lips graze across my neck. Shrouded in darkness, I lie still to find my bearings.

"Good morning beautiful." His deep voice rumbles in his chest while his breath caresses my ear. 

Hands roam across my exposed body. The pitch blackness brought each touch to focus.  

"You were restless last night." It was a statement rather than a question. Evan's voice held no uncertainty. A mouth covers one of my exposed nipples. The edge and tone of the words against the gentlest of touches creates an internal juxtaposition. I try to find my voice but just when I wrap my mind around the words the haze of sleep and pleasure take them away. 

"If you continue to fight, it will only lead to a harsher path." Garrett's voice comes from the other side, a reminder to my sleepy brain that this is not a dream.

Hands caress my whole body. An ache forms between my legs but not once do they venture to that place. 

"Evan, prepare coffee and breakfast, we will be in shortly."

"Yes, Sir." His respectful tone hides a slight hint of mischief underneath the reply.  

The bonds on my arms release. Before I enjoy freedom, Garrett rolls me over until I lay on my stomach. He straddles the small of my back. His weight does not descend onto my body and I realize the effort he is placing on his own legs to stay lifted above me. Fabric scrapes against my ass cheeks with a noticeable bulge. Large hands work the muscles of my shoulders. I moan with each pass of his thumbs. The pain is excruciating. 

"RED!" I scream. Behind me he chuckles.

"There are no safe words in massage, gorgeous. This is for your own good. If you would quit being so stubborn and just give in, you'd find this would go much easier." He murmurs against my ear.

It muffles my ugly reply against the pillow. He wasn't harming me and it was my fault the muscles weren't giving up the tension. I didn't "safe word" based on our household agreement, so he doesn't stop.  I did it because it hurt and, truthfully, I hated feeling out of control and yet I love it when I hand over control. The path to redemption, filled with pleasure and pain, fear and joy, and a thousand other possibilities which made the words so potent.  

"You should take better care of yourself. Since you've proven yourself incapable of self-respect and care, today will be a day of personal management. We will control your every need. From us will come your food, your direction, your relief and any level of reality we consider necessary. When I am finished with these muscles, then I will direct the next thing I wish from you. So, you might as well given in now. It will make relieving these knots easier on both of us."

I didn't disagree with his statement. Paramount in our relationships is the central idea of taking care of self, or at least acknowledging our needs for our partners to help lift the need. Through this focus, it does not leave us unsatisfied or needy but, life does not always give the most ideal situations for the perfect theory. Garrett's long absences, extra work pressure and my personal hang ups, led us all to this place. The attention focused on me seems as if I was the problem, in reality we were all getting a dose of the medicine required to fix our household. 

Garrett's thumbs push into the muscle. I cry out when the muscle give and a ripple ran through it. Based on the way I carrying stress, we set up a weekly massage therapist appointment in-house. When things were tight, I'd cancelled the appointments and never reset them, neither had I informed the household. Now I am paying for the decision in spades. 

The pressure continues but ebbs and flows based on how much the muscles relax. A silent game plays between us. A fight for control passes with each move, like a long standing chess game. In my head I see the results on the horizon. I want to give in to the place we both know I need but I've grown to view it as a weakness, somewhere along the way, even when I don't believe it to be truth.

"Sir." Evan's voice rings out. "Breakfast is ready at your leisure." 

"Superb." Garrett replies. "It looks like Evan provided you a reprieve. Your body is a wreck. We will return to this activity, I assure you."

I nod. Relief and dread floods through me. The end of one activity did not mean there is actual relief in sight.