Death Is Strange

FOURTEEN

Gerard felt as if it were almost a crime for him to have such a normal, nice end to the day – sitting across from Frank in a cramped little restaurant, smoke hanging in the air, and chatter of normal, stable people all around him.

As a matter of fact, he was so caught up describing a comic he wanted to illustrate, he ate everything on his plate without thinking. When he realized he had, he set down his fork, feeling like his own hunger had finally defeated him. "So... yeah," he ended lamely. He realized he had almost forgotten what it was like to be comfortably full after eating. Usually there was still a nagging twinge of hunger, but he always told himself it was for the best. Apparently his body hadn't thought so.

But Frank wasn't stupid. In fact, he looked a little smug; though he was clearly thinking about saying something, he decided not to, and focused all his attention on swirling around the ice cubes in the bottom of his empty glass. "I want to ask you a question," he said.

"Okay?" Gerard picked at a loose thread on his sweatshirt.

"Was Bert your first?"

Gerard abruptly looked up. His tongue flickered nervously across his lips. "Yes. But not just sex. My first everything."

Frank's expression softened. "Really?"

Gerard nodded numbly. "Yeah. So... it's really like losing a piece of yourself, you know? He held all my secrets, and knew every inch of me."

"But you never–" Frank stopped himself. "No. That's uncalled for. Never mind."

Gerard already knew what he was going to say. "The thing about me taking off my shirt. I know." His face burned. "I'm so mad about it now. Why the fuck was it so hard? And then the first time you and I... you know. It was so easy then."

"We all have things we wish we'd done differently in the past." Frank leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms. "Maybe it's your subconscious way of making up for it. You know, not doing that anymore."

Gerard nervously took a sip of his Coke. Frank waited for him to reply, one eyebrow arched.

"Yes," Gerard said finally. "That makes sense. Damn, you should be a therapist."

"I've seen enough shrinks for the both of us. They fucking rubbed off on me." Frank grinned, thumbing through his wallet and getting the cash for the bill. "Let's go, Gee."

Campus was quiet; the moon was rising and the streetlights grotesquely stretched every shadow as Frank grabbed Gerard's hand, pulling him in the direction of the locker rooms.

"What the fuck are we doing?" Gerard whispered.

Frank smirked but didn't reply until the doors echoed shut behind them. "We're going to the pool."

Gerard giggled. "What?"

"Come on." Frank wove his way through the locker room, letting them through the double doors to the pool area. "I love that they don't lock any of this shit. I noticed when Ray and I were looking for Mikey."

"You do realize that my stepdildo could literally be prowling the campus right now and catch us?"

"I can rewind time, remember?" Frank was stripping down to his boxers. "Come on, Gee."

"What if there's a security camera and someone checks it?" Gerard kicked off his jeans.

"I'm sure they're too busy jerking off watching us to do anything about it."

Gerard piled his sweatshirt on his discarded jeans, pulled up his long sleeved t-shirt, and then froze. "Frank, I have something to tell you." He stared at his feet, fighting the lump in his throat.