The Undead

Pill Box Boy

"You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children."
―Madeleine L'Engle

The morning was warm even though the night was cold you could still see the dew on the grass outside. I felt a body next to mine, his warmth vibrating onto mine, his hands intertwined into mine like a fixed jigsaw puzzle. His smile stitched on his upper lip, his lungs inflate and deflate with peace, I hope. Phin lied still and calm off the edge of the bed, looked like he had a good sleep considering; no dark circles, bags or grump. Slowly Phin opened his eyes and looked at me happily and stood to leave the room. It was 6 AM and the sun was still peeking just above the horizon. My arms were band-aided, uncomfortably.

I hoped I wouldn't feel so glum and lost. But it was all that was left beneath awkward cringe and horrid yet only temptations of what was beneath the band-aided wrists. The boxed pills kept away from me in attempt to try again.

What's the point in living? If living is the meaning of a horrible death?What if there was no afterlife, just a pit of blackness, a void of nothing? And if there is, are we all going to hell?

The door creaked open an Shane walks in holding meds and a food. "Pills, Pills more pills but not enough to find a cure, I see," I said, e just nodded and apologized, you could see he'd been crying. Puffy red eyes, wet marks on his sleeves. "Don't apologize, for something you don't have control over, Shane."

"Hersel said to take two-" handing over the two white-coated pills and a glass. Accepting it only to crush them in my hand and sprinkle it in the water. I tipped the pilled water into a houseplant next to the bedside. " I don't need medication." "What happened?" here we go-

"Lemme lay it down for you simply, What's the point?" "What do you mean?" "In living only to receive a horrid death, I mean at least I can die on my own terms. What's wrong with that?" "I can see two sides to that, one being it is reasonably understandable but the second being family. Your family to us now, I mean your friends call you family. I can see it in the way they would talk about you. You're my family, my history, present. And I hope to be future. But if you chose to leave that all behind, I don't think the hurt would end. " "We lost, I lost a piece of me, a piece of my soul after that baby died. And even though I never really was sure about it, I was so used to calling her name and feeling the struggle of the weight. I was getting there, to feel her leave me without a goodbye. I would picture in my head at night her crying and you getting up to coo her down with your stupid stories about peter rabbit and the three little pigs-" Tears were streaming. " And to say I didn't want to die along so, would be a lie in itself."

"I lost a child too, and to hear you tried to kill yourself. I couldn't cope, losing you? I might as well give up altogether on living. If that's what you've decided to do, I want to go to." Shane said upset, I couldn't blame him. "But you can't-" "And who are you to decide? Whether you live or die it's your choice but doesn't ever think you weren't loved by the ones you call family." Shane commented before leaving the room in a hurry.

To leave me in a dark empty room, noticing the baby formula and knitted wool in the corner through me off balance and into a state I knew I wouldn't get out of. I stood thrashing, ripping apart the woolly jumper that Brooke was supposed to wear. I felt like dying all over again. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was drowning in my own tears. I will suffocate myself in my own sadness, feeling hopelessly dull and crushed into ash.

Clothing torn, formula across the room on the floor looked like drugs, blankets, and pillows. And I sat contemplating my next move. Will I grab that pillbox? Will I sit here drowning?

Kia Ora , Author here so sorry this is short, im findin writin this chapter hard.
Im kind of dealing with a situation at home thats mentally and emotionally fuckin with me. So sorry <3 Family man anyway I promise I will make up for it some how :)