Meaningless:: a collection

~i.m.g.n.t.i.s

Imagine this:
You wake up at approximately 7:17 am on a Wednesday. You get up slowly testing your actual strength only to stumble. You stable yourself and wait for the dizziness to stop. You then proceed with your clothes for the day to the bathroom. Avoid the mirror and weigh yourself. You're so proud to find you didn't gain in... in your sleep, yeah, you then get off the scale and get dressed. You leave the bathroom now 7:48 am where you rush to your room still dizzy, still shaky, to make your bed and rush out the door to your friends car. He drives you to school and you go to the locker room because of course you're in a sport. You drop your things and feel dizzy, wobble a little, yeah wobble. It's now 8:15 am so you rush to class and sit down. You will now spend approximately the next 5 hours going from class to class drinking water. You're annoyed by every little thing, specifically when someone takes your water bottle. Why? Because that's what keeps you sane. I'll explain later. After these 5 hours pass you walk to lunch. Heres where it's hard because you have to eat even when everything inside you is screaming no. You get in line get your food, the same thing everyday, and sit down at your lunch table. You then stare down at your food disgusted not because it's school food but because here you are required to eat. So you pick up your pizza and hesitate. The girl next to you will make a face and say "anorexic much?" No, no she doesn't know. So of course this wouldn't offend you because of course you're not anorexic, right? So you will laugh and shake your head be sure to curve your smile slightly but not so much that you look fake. God forbid you look fake. You then take a bite, it's wrong, oh so wrong. You take another bite and the sick feeling washes over your mind and your stomach twists. Then suddenly the pizza is almost gone and another girl will sit down at the  table. She will smirk and say "gosh fattie slow down it's not like you need it." She's right, she's very right because you are far too fat. You're probably the fattest one at the table. So you will put your pizza down and take your tray still containing half a pizza, an unopened milk and a bag of sorry apples and you will throw it away. You won't want to now, now that you've tasted it. You will maybe hesitate but you will throw it away because you don't need it. You are fat, you are so so fat. You will then return to your table and wait for the lunch period to end. The next three hours of classes will be impossible as all you can think about is the void in your stomach, but darling you're still fat. You will drink water because that's the only thing keeping you sane, keeping you full. You will go to practice, track practice of course and you will run. Run so fast and forcefully until your head is numb and your stomach burns. You will then walk home only to inform your family that you aren't hungry. They will appear worried but how could they not see how fat you are? Honestly. You will suffer a few bites of dinner to satisfy your family only to rush to the bathroom and throw it up. Darling you are still fat. You throw up until your throat burns and your head pounds. You throw up until suddenly you are dizzy and everything spins. You will try to stand up because you are fine, but darling you're not fine. Your hands will shake and you will fall. Fall down, down, down to the floor where you will lay passed out for 5 minutes. Eventually someone will become concerned and knock on the door somehow bringing you back to life only to lie and say "oh yeah I'm okay." You will then stand slowing testing each leg waiting out the dizziness and checking in the mirror briefly. You will see every pound lacing your bones. Thick and heavy and all you will wish is to rid of it. You will then leave the bathroom and prepare for bed where you will lay, as your stomach howls and twists from a void you choose to ignore in your slow suicide that is anorexia.