d e x t e r ' s p o v ;
(story form)
have you ever wanted somebody to love? not just that but to get love back. sometimes i felt people didn't love someone in general not because they did want to, but because they didn't try to. meaning that they needed to be taught to love, at least that's what i thought. see it's easy to "teach" a dog how to behave but with humans, that's a whole different ballgame. that is why i don't socialize with them, mostly because my lack of skills to do so. you'd think you're listening to a teenage boy or something but no i'm a man. a 30 year old man and i live alone, not because i want to be, but because i choose to be.
i never really had any contact with girls, or women, ever since my mom died; i was a mama's boy. my dad wasn't really around much, which made more time for my mom and i to bond, and that we did. i loved my mom maybe too much. did she love me back? yes. did she ever hug me or kiss me? no. well, that doesn't make sense does it? well in my mom's eyes she didn't mind loving and taking care of me, because if maybe showing too much intimacy would be suddenly later having a moment of taking advantage. that's crazy i know but that's how it was for me.
after my mom died, i no longer felt the need to contact with anyone else. especially a woman. i felt content with being alone and happy. but was i really? for a little i was anyway. i lived all alone in my grubby apartment; not being seen or heard by many. although it was a bit raggedy, i always kept it tidy; i don't have ocd; i just like things a certain way. i was seen by the occasional homeless people, landlord, or the lady at the pet store i'd visit ever so often. while visiting so often i decided to buy a fish just so i could go there and have to buy fish food. why? you ask. there was this lady named tish, she was about my age, and pretty of course, so i thought i would try her out.
i thought i could make her love the things i treasured or more importantly, love me as well. that didn't end so well, but in the end, we both learned our lesson. it happened because, well i am human; or so i thought. after that incident i started to wonder how i could keep alive beauty or preserve it somehow and it happened thus i now had the hobby of collecting butterflies; which scale the wall of my apartment. frozen in time. i loved looking at them everyday because it reminded me of art, my own art. as for tish, well she's tucked away; somewhere perfect; she'll always be in my memorabilia.
**
i wake up each day
smoothing down my hair;
it's always tousled and messy everywhere.
mom was always neat; i grew up the same.
anything germy would make me turn away.
--
i'd go to the bathroom, to prepare for work.
i'd look in the mirror to glance at my face and smirk.
it was a scratch, more or so scar;
it was memorabilia left there forever
and to be heard from nevermore.
****
i work at a hotel, and serve as a clerk. i made enough money, to be save for something important. important because this time i want this one to last because sadly my last is apart of the past. so this time i won't let this beauty escape even if i have to keep her all alone. away from society that is since that always seems to distract people. thus i may loose and that i could not bare. who is this beauty? her name is jennifer morgan, she's the prettiest red head i'd ever seen. i can't even begin to describe her but, jenni worked as an english teacher, at our local school. she seemed to be a social butterfly, i cannot lie. it made me jealous of the people who she'd interact with and i couldn't.
she used to visit the hotel a lot, with her husband of course, but i suddenly stopped seeing him. i wonder if she was lonely thereafter. i'm lonely maybe we're perfect for each other after all. in my mind i knew it and if it wasn't meant to be then i'd find another. she stopped coming to the hotel but when i'd leave for work i would then admire her from my van; wanting to make contact but not finding the gumption or skill. although she seemed happy on the outside, i knew she needed me and i needed her; thus the next time we meet it wouldn't be the last. i'll get her when she's all alone...
××××
l.u.6.27
well this took me quite awhile to come up with but i'm sure you'll enjoy it nonetheless hopefully :) and what should i make the next part? as in POV. did this sound to rushed or nah? pls leave feedback thanks for reading you reader you ^.^ much love appreciated ♥
