Real Love

The Order (Phana)

Blink....blink....blink.... blink....blink.... blink....blink.... blink....blink.... blink....blink....

I watch as the curser flashes on the screen. My arrow hovers over the submit button but I feel hesitant. Am I making the right choice? I've been thinking about this for the last six months now and I finally decided that this is what I want to do.

I look over my application again making sure all of the information is correct. I have all of the specs they asked for, I included pictures, and I made sure to note all attributes and qualities that I want in my product. Everything is filled out and ready to go. I've double and triple checked so all I need to do is right click on the submit button.

Push the button Phana.

Push the button!

I quickly click and in seconds I get a receipt saying that my order was sent and is being processed.

I did it. I can't believe I did it.

OH MY GOD!!! What have I done? I frantically look over the site and there's no way to undo it.

I slump into my seat and laugh at myself. When did I become this desperate?

Staring at me is the picture of the boy I let slip away. I say boy but he's a man now isn't he? He's got to be close to thirty. I wonder where he is and what he's doing.

I miss him.

I should have been braver. I should have told him how I felt. I shouldn't have been afraid of what other people would think. I kept making excuses and putting it off and look what it got me: five years without him. Five years of longing for him. Five years of thinking about him, of searching for him, of missing him.

I know this was a desperate attempt at having a chance but I'm willing to take it. I won't let fear stop me this time. This time I'll be a brave man and love openly.

Wayo, where are you?

****

It's been six months since I made that decision. I knew it would take this long, it could take as long as a year.  At first I was crazy with anticipation but that died down after the third month, now it's like before. Just waiting and hoping.

Until things actually happen I have to keep on living.  I go to work, hang out with friends, go workout, then come home and plan.  I currently live in an apartment but I'm having a house built for when things change.  Nothing big or flashy, just something big enough to live comfortably. 

One last look in the mirror to make sure that I look OK. Not a hair out of place, clothes perfectly pressed, shoes polished. I'm ready.  I head to the kitchen for my version of breakfast: a piece of toast and juice.  I'm not really a big breakfast eater.

After breakfast I make sure to brush my teeth, I want to make sure my smile is dazzling after all, then I head to the door. I sling my bag over my shoulder and grab my keys. I push the door open and am about to step out when a figure steps in front of the door.

"Morning P'Pha." He says.

I drop everything and stare at the person standing there.  This can't be real.  I haven't received notification of delivery so does this mean this is the real Yo? I reach out and pull him into my arms. I hug him tightly and bury my face in his hair. Tears have come from nowhere.

"Yo, I've missed you so much. I can't believe that you're here." I say still not letting go.

"Um, are we just going to stand out here or can I come in?" He asks while patting my arm.