❝Change Is Good❞

Chapter 11: Confessions.

I layed in bed and sighed. I have to tell my mom about this before it gets out of hand. I don't think I can hide something like this from my own mother. But I'm so scared.. she'll even be shocked that I'm not a virgin, so when she finds out I have an STD, she'll be ashamed. I've always been the good girl, but ever since I came to Miami--I'm not the good girl anymore.

I walked down the stairs, to see my mom looking through files on the dining room table. Work was always keeping mom busy. "Um.. Mommy?" she looked up at me. "Yes baby? What do you need?" she asked, "I-I need to talk to you about something. Something really serious." She furrowed her eyebrows and laid her laptop screen down.

I sat down at the table next to her, and noticed tears coming into my eyes. "Um M-Mommy, I know you're going to be disappointed in me, b-but I have herpes.." I wiped the tears from my eyes and saw the pain in my mom's eyes. She pulled me into a tight hug, and I heard her soft weeps. "W-Who gave it to you?" I wept, hesitating to answer. "Who gave it to you?!" she yelled, making me shake harder. "R-Rayan.. h-he did it on purpose." she looked confused. "How long have you had this? You and Jacob got back together a few months ago.." I sniffed and wept uncontrollably. If she finds out that this was my fault because I was cheating, all of this pity she's giving me will go down the drain.

"I-I cheated on Jacob.. and had sex with Rayan." Her eyes widened and she sighed heavily. "And how long ago was this?" I gulped. "Th-Three weeks ago." She shook her head. "And you knew all this time? Did you tell him?" I nodded, "Yes.. and he told me he knew he had it, but gave it to me anyway.." I was hiccupping and weeping, looking at the disappointment in my mom's eyes.

"Samantha, why didn't you use protection? I taught you better than that. If you're going to have sex, a-at least wear a condom." she sighed, and rubbed her temples. "If he purposely did this to you, I'm pressing charges, okay?" I nodded and sniffed. "We're going to the doctor tomorrow after school.. okay?" I shook my head. "Mom please don't make me go back to school! Everybody knows about me having herpes!" I wept and she sighed.

"Samantha.." I wept. "Please don't make me go back, please!" I covered my face, weeping immensely. My mom hugged me and rubbed my back. "Shhh... Okay.. we're going to the law firm and the doctor tomorrow. You don't have to go to school, but after that you're going to have to go... you can't miss out on your education okay?" I nodded and wiped my cheeks. She kissed my forehead, and rubbed my back.

This morning I woke up early, terrified of what was going to happen today. We walked into the attorney's office, and my attorney sat back, and asked me questions about Ray and I. I explained our relationship, and he nodded.

"So, we'll be charging this young man with emotional and medical distress. His full name please?" I cleared my throat. "Rayan Davon Lopez." I sighed, and looked down. Who knows how many girls he's done this to? All those girls he's had sex with could have gotten it.. what if I'm not the only person who's gone through this?

We left the law office, and went to the doctor to see how I was doing. I know herpes isn't deadly, but it really made me upset. I doubt any man will have kids with me due to the fact that he'll get herpes if we even have sex without a condom. All of my dreams of having kids, and getting married have gone down the drain.

I got home, and plopped onto my bed. I'd had a long day today. I cried all day, from the law office to the doctor, and just the thought of going to school tomorrow made me cry even more. I usually hate being a "Debby-downer", but at a time like this, I felt hopeless. I've lost all of my friends, my boyfriend, and got a sexually transmitted disease. There's no light at the end of the tunnel in this situation. And the fact that it's my fault that this is even happening, makes me feel even worse.

I woke up this morning with the buzzing of my alarm. I got up, and went straight to the shower. I got out and put on my jeans, a t shirt, slipping on my combat boots. It was a little chilly out, so I slipped my woven cardigan on top.

I walked into school, with shame. I saw Aaliyah standing by my locker, with her arms folded. I walked towards her, and she stared at me with a blank stare. I've never seen Aaliyah like that before. "Did you do it?" She asked, confusing me. "Do what?" She chuckled, shaking her head. "You really don't know the seriousness of your situation, Samantha." I was completely confused. What happened?

"Rayan was arrested last night at the house. The guys were freaking out, they didn't get any sleep last night. They're worried sick about Ray," I felt bad, but then again I didn't. I couldn't escape the reactions of others to Rayan's arrest. I just didn't know that he would be arrested now. That never came into my mind.

"You know, you can't always cry to mommy and get call her little lawyers to get you out of this. You need to handle this and accept this. You placed this situation upon yourself, don't blame Rayan." She walked away from me, walking with Janay who was waiting for her across the hall. I closed my locker and sighed. The homeroom bell rang, and like every day since this ordeal, I got stares.. but today, instead of laughing at me, they scolded me.

I looked down, and went into class throughout the day. Once again, I ate lunch in the bathroom stall. When I left school today, I was waiting for my mom to come, when I saw Jacob come towards me. I wasn't sure what he was going to tell me, so even with the ten to fifteen seconds I had to mentally prepare myself, I did it anyhow.

"Samantha." I looked into his eyes. They looked... cold, and harsh. They scared me, I'd never seen him look like that before. I mean, for him, looking your ex who you basically despise isn't pleasant, but it seemed as if that was how his expression was now: cold.

"Why did you blame him for it?" I looked down, "You put all of that upon yourself. I can't believe you'd do that." I sighed, "Of course you'd say that Jacob, I cheated on you. He knew he had herpes, and was careless enough to not tell me. So I pressed charges on him. That's my decision. Get over it." I rolled my eyes and he clenched his jaw.

"You'll regret your decision Samantha, just wait." He walked back to his car, then driving off.

Jacob's words kept replaying in my head. I felt like it was my fault for catching the STD, but then again Rayan did give it to me carlessly. I don't know.. but this whole thing is stressing me out. Maybe Aaliyah was right, I should have just left it alone. I don't know but, this whole situation has me emotionally confused. I need to find out how to get out of this quickly, whether it's easy or hard.

How do you guys feel about Ray's arrest? Was Samantha's decision the right one or is she overexaggerating? Let me know how you feel in the comments. 😌