young and stupid [sequel to bad boy next door]

Chapter Eighteen

~Sierra Sparks~

I sit in the back of the car, not daring to say a word. I wouldn’t move. I wouldn’t look at anyone. As badly as I wanted to make a joke about the whole situation and act like I was fine. I couldn’t.

The boys spoke amongst themselves. They tried to get me involved but I didn’t have anything to say. I couldn’t speak right now. I’m just worried about everything. Everyone. I couldn’t think about myself right now. I’m worrying about my family, Austin’s family, The Crew, and Austin. I can’t lose any of them.

I can’t live without watching my brother grow up. Maybe I’d miss most of his childhood while at college but I couldn’t live without him. He deserves to grow up. He deserves to fall in love with a girl, go through puberty, be a dick, and make mistakes. He’ll grow up learning.

As much as my parents are a pain in the ass, they love me. They do things to protect me and everyone says something wrong every once in a while. Even I say things I regret, like when I first came here to San Antonio. I was a bitch. I was cocky. I hated myself. But I changed. I got better. Fragile. And right now… I wish I was that old girl.

I was scared to lose each member of The Crew. Each member taught me something without realizing it.

Tyler taught me to always be genuine. As mean and scary as you seem you should always be genuine about everything you say. If you wanted someone to be real with you, you would have to be with them. When someone is genuine you know they care.

Zach taught me to live life to the fullest. He would hook up with girls because it was a certain thrill that he felt when he would. He wouldn’t pass life by, by not trying anything new. He is a spontaneous guy too. He shows me to just do things and not think about it. You only live once.

Robert taught me to stick to what you believe in. If he had a certain thought about you it wouldn’t falter. He would be straight forward with his friends or with people who he didn’t like. Including me. He was straight forward about his feelings and he taught me to be straight forward with mine. I know not to be fake.

Alex… He taught me what it’s like to be a real friend. He stuck by Austin and defended him throughout everything. He saw his side all the time. He also taught me to be understanding. That’s what he was to Austin. He also defended Austin and tried to protect him by going straight to me. He forsure taught me to be sassy. He taught me a lot considering he’s one of my best friends now. I’m closest with him in The Crew. Of course, Austin is first. But on a friend level. We’re the closest. I wouldn’t trade our relationship for anything.

Then there’s Austin. He taught me the most. He taught me to be strong. He taught me to have trust in someone. He taught me to show my sensitive side and be vulnerable. He taught me to be strong. He taught me to believe in myself. He taught me to be confident. He taught me to defend those who I love. He taught me how to fight and use a gun. He taught me to finally fall in love with someone and not think about the risk. But this risk… I never saw coming. This is my fault.

I’m in this mess because of myself.

“We’re here babe…” Austin whispers, interrupting my thoughts. I look up to see all the boys’ eyes on me. It isn’t just Austin looking at me, which bothers me right now. I’m the reason they’re all here. I guess now is a bad time to have anxiety. I would have an attack any second now.