(I found this beautiful little acoustic guitar song. It's just guitar and nothing else, it calms me down.)
Hello again, it's me. I'm whatever name you want to call me. I'm anything you see me as, no more. My existence is all a matter of perspective. I would like to say my own mind can be a pain sometimes. It brings up thoughts of what once was and what will be. Quite frankly, I wish it would stop. I have more control over it now. I'm not as impulsive and accept the fact that what has happened in the recent years has happened. I'm a neutral person again. Yet, for some strange reason, there is something in the back of mind that insists on scheming and plotting ways to impress a person from my past. I have the ability to push those thoughts away, and now I simply respond to those thoughts with...
"If it happens it happens, there's nothing you can do about it. She's there and your here, that's fine. If a god wants us to be together then it'll happen, but as of now, we know where things stand between her and me. If she talks, she talks. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Just be open to the world and work with what it gives you. But most of all, don't be angry at her, yourself, or anyone. There's nothing you can do. If it happens it happens."
With this thought, I am able to relax and let my anxiety simmer down. Not that you shouldn't try for what you want, just try to make do with what happens now. Whether it be work, family, and in my case getting used to a lack of love. You are who you are, that's what matters. Why am I bringing this up? Well, because I was reminded of the fact that I and this person share the same month of birth, poor soul. Although this won't reach them, for the sake of saying it "Happy birthday". I've spent a lot of time soul-searching. Trying to find someone I'm compatible with, I don't how that's going for them but not well for me. The world just feels so small, like I already know everyone. Weird I know. I've been trying hard in my spare time, and am actually on the track of making a living off my music. It's not spectacular or anything, a person said they could hook me up to play at a coffee shop in town. I don't drink coffee, but I do like coffee shops. They're like the warm bed of businesses, welcoming with soft covers. Even though I'm at the beginning of my life, I feel like something is ending around me. People feel different, distant, more than usual. I guess that's just what they call changes. This like a letter now. Even though I'm still a bit confused when it comes to religion in my life, allow me to insert the prayer I say every night. God or no god, it puts me to sleep.
"Dear father above,
Please protect me, my family, and friends tonight as we rest. Allow us to fall to slumber quickly and make the remainder of our lives endurable. Please let us have pleasant dreams, and spot in the world tomorrow. Help me find the girl that will change my life, or help me patch my previous endeavour. Thank you for allowing me another day here to search for something. I pray she is doing well and stays safe. Thank you for somehow letting me stay here all these years.
In your name, I pray Amen."
That's it. Then I try to fall asleep without fear. Accepting of whatever happens in the night, because I've done all I can. I hope you all stay safe and find what you're looking for. The month of may is now upon us. I'll try to make it count. Goodnight.
Sincerely, Timothy/Latch
