boys like boys ✔ luwoo

|9|

|| Kim Jungwoo ||

"I invade your personal life with bull crap I pull out of a hat!?" he immediately disagreed. "Then what are you talking about you're treating me how I treat you? I tell you to leave me alone and you find a way to get me closer. I make it clear I don't care about you and you tell me things anyway. What is wrong with you?"

"You." I swear I had the sudden urge to drift to the nearest window and throw myself out of it. "I watch a lot of mystery movies and you're like the real deal live and in action. I'm like a detective and you're the crime scene. A well-organized one."

I realized I didn't have my jacket to hide myself from him or quick access to run out of this classroom since the teacher was blocking my path. I had to sit here awkwardly and listen to this boy. Although it was ear bleeding annoying.

"What is the fun in a crime scene if the murderer gave you the clear answers. You have to figure that out for yourself."

"How am I supposed to when you keep pushing me away?" He slouched over in a desperate attempt to look vulnerable to me. My eyes went to the back of my head at this point. "I'm only trying to be your friend."

This made me scoff. He thought I really needed friends. He definitely feels pity for me. "Why do you try? I have friends, Lucas. I'm starting to think you want more than that."

He waved his hands in disagreement but my mind was already made.

"I don't want to be your friend if you're friends with them." I look over his shoulder to avoid staring him in the eyes. He'll only defend them and call me the jerk for not liking them. But I knew them way before he did. I knew the real them.

"I don't blame you. Taeyong isn't friendly as he was when I first met him. But he still acts as a big brother and only sometimes a jerk. Then there's Taeil. Don't even get me started on him."

"If you know this why do you associate yourself with them?"

"They're all I have at this school. I'm a social person and believe it or not. I have a hard time making other friends that accept me for being gay."

He could have been just like me. Didn't have a family who wanted him. He depended on friends to fill the empty void in his chest although it was hopeless. He's probably too clueless to even realise they couldn't do that. He'd have to tape it himself.

"Kim Jungwoo?" the lady called out to me although I was the only one in the hall. She's seen me here a hundred times and still has no clue who I am. But she can be a good actor. "Please come in."

I bow while stepping past her into the caramel themed room. She still had that dead dog statue tucked in the corner. The most weirdest part of her entire office was that. Not minding anything else, I took a seat on the leather armchair that faced her.

"It's been a while, yes?" I nod. "Do you have anything to get off your chest?"

"A lot actually." I could only mumble since everything in me was holding me back from screaming. "Last night my parents were out for their anniversary. Mother came home drunk as usual. My father carried her in and it was a disaster. I also noticed he got her roses. They used to be these big beautiful bouquets and they trickled down to a few flowers in a cheap vase."

"Does that give you fear?"

Obviously, that's why I come to her. Because I'm scared of a lot of things that I can't really tell people. I have two years of high school left and I'll be spending it wondering which parent loves me more. Or worse, where I could live.

Fumbling with my fingers while thinking of a sure answer. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah. I think he's starting to not love her. That's a sign of divorce. Being parentless. Homeless. Lifeless. Just being miserable. And I didn't think it could get any worse. I didn't think this feeling could just get... worse."

The sound of her pencil scribbling on the white paper made me nervous. She probably has another diagnosis for me. I'm not even taking my current pills. How can I show her I'm getting better?

"But I met someone." Me blurting it out didn't make it sound any more believable. "Besides Sasung, Injoon, and um... Jeno. I met another guy. His name is Lucas."

"Lucas..."

"Wong Lucas."

It didn't make since how suddenly I expected more than what I could handle. Coming home wasn't just coming home anymore. It was this push of reject and this pull of Lucas. All it took was a brief moment to openly get how I feel about this boy off my chest.

It's like I know not to expect my parents to be cuddled on the couch enjoying a movie. I know not to expect a meal in the oven. These are things I just knew.

After talking about Lucas and to Lucas outside my door at almost eleven in the night, it's like I suddenly forgot. I think there will be some hint of happiness but it's all the same.

I expected him to be outside waiting to tell me more of anything. Or introducing himself once again but in the elevator. Like I wanted him to be around but when he is... I want him to go away.

I can't be sure on what's wrong with me but I know there is something wrong. There is something wrong with me. Not Lucas. I still couldn't believe I asked him that. I turned my anger into his problem.

I didn't think I could get to a point where I treat everyone this way.

"Where were you last night and this morning?" My mother came in my room with her cleaning attire on. I was surprised she didn't have a cigarette box in one of those pouches. "You're gone all the time like your dad."

"It was a few hours?" I replied while clicking off my phone so it could properly charge. "When are you going to fix the phones?"

"Why? Are you going to start helping pay the bill?" She and I both knew father didn't need help paying a bill. Unless he started paying the ones for his mistress too. "I need you to get up and clean this room. And get out of the house will you? Always here."

When she closed the door I swiftly smothered my face in my pillow. Breathing back my carbon dioxide felt a lot better than breathing oxygen at this point. Usually this fit lasted until I literally couldn't breathe but I was able to extend it. I was out like a light within minutes.