But, Sometimes I Wonder

Chapter 2 - The past

Kiersey

I think I'm going crazy. All I mostly do is lay on this lumpy couch and stare at the eggshell-colored ceiling.

I'm just trying to understand. Maybe I should've seen this shit coming. But, I believed in the promises he made me.

After I dumped his sorry ass, I drove to my best friend Sam's house and told him everything. He couldn't believe it, nor could his fiancé Thomas. They thought we were the perfect couple. I hid how distant I and Marcus became from everyone. Letting them continue to call us goals or what true love looks like.

Mom always says we give her hope of finding someone like my father again.

Great I just had to think about dad. Now tears are flowing down my face for the umpteenth time today.

Why can't I just wither away from misery? I've given everything to life and all it's done is take from me.

"Kier"

How could I miss the signs when they were all there. The more he drifted, the less he kissed me. And the times he did they felt different. Like the love was gone on his end. It got to the point where I dodged those kisses.

"Kiersey!"

Then there was the sex. It used to bring me a sense of wholeness. He knew exactly where to touch me. He knew the exact moment. It used to be more sensual, I was made love to. Now I'm fucked long enough for him to catch his release.

"KIERSEY!!!" Sam yelled right in my damn eardrum with a hot breath. Making me jump up.

"What?! Damn why are you yelling?"

"Because bitch I've been calling your name for five minutes. While you just creepily stared at the ceiling."

"Well, you could've brushed your teeth before getting all in my personal space."

"And you could wash your ass before laying on my couch."

He got me there, I've been on this sofa for an unhealthy amount of time. I'd try to sleep myself into oblivion. But, every time I woke up I could still remember what Marcus said when we broke up.

There I was packing my bags, determined to put his trifling ass in my rear view. I was leaving knowing he was at fault for our departure.

Then he said it.

You're not innocent in this, you killed our child.

The same words I'd told myself for two years. He'd promised me time and time again he didn't feel this way but I knew he lied. It's funny how you have to bruise a man's ego for him to tell you the truth.

You're not innocent in this, you killed our child.

That sentence has been playing on a loop in my mind for weeks. He finally told me the truth. Maybe he had all right to cheat. I took his son from him.

"Girl I'm gonna need for you to snap the hell out of it. This estupido has you acting like this?

What happened to the Kiersey that didn't give a damn if a guy was coming or going? That perra changed you. I can't believe I ever liked his sorry ass." Sam said folding his arms.