PLOT : Jinyoung has confessed to Jaebum years ago but ne'er got the answer. After years of pinning after his crush and seeing him happy with some other he thought of stopping everything and move on.
NOTE: I hope you guys will like it and sorry for a...
Today I had made a decision that I will stop writing the letters and stop burning them.
The letters which contained everything about my heart, the love for Im Jaebum( Jerk who hates me), Jealousy for Choi Youngjae( The sunshine to whom even if I want to but can never hate), the hurt I feel when I see both of them together. The dreams which I wanted to complete with Im Jaebum but can never do so after all he has the love of his life.
I am so tired of waiting for that person to turn around and see that I am in love with him and still waiting for him but he never did, in fact, whenever I tried to get close to him, he pushed me away. Whenever I tried to initiate any kind of skin ship like holding hands, he swiftly pushed my hands away as if my touch burned him. As if he is disgusted by my presence. On camera, it was fine as it was fan service but off camera, he always stayed away from me. He even once yelled at me for sitting so close to him while when it comes to Youngjae he always smiles at him, even initiates the skin ship with him and always responds back to his touches, that is why I am always jealous of Youngjae.
Why can’t he love me? I was the one who loved Jaebum first. I was the one who was always there for Jaebum in his darkest and hardest times yet I am the one who always got pushed over.
Yes, I have loved him since the time I laid my eyes on him. It was love at first sight for me.
I even tried to tell him during our JJ Project era but he ignored it after listening and even ignored me for weeks and months. I thought that it was because we have debuted at that time and that may be he is straight but turned out that’s not the case instead it looks likes he never liked me.
Now, it is enough and I will stop doing everything I have been doing for so long. I am so tired of pretending to be okay when clearly I am not. Just to deal with my feelings which I have been carrying for so long I started writing letters addressed to Jaebum and then burning then every two days of the week by routine ( weird thing is no one ever caught me. Why by routine, I do not know but it is as if I was always particularly very sad on these days.) Each letter contained of the 2jae moments that hurt me the most and to deal with the ever residing hurt of my heart I started writing these letters 3 years ago( when it became too much too handle the hurt), but now I have decided that I will stop. It is getting too much for to see them always smiling and happy together and for me to pretend to be fine.
Therefore, I have decided that, after burning this last letter, I will go to director room and ask him to take me out of the GOT7 and let me pursue my career as an actor. If he will not allow me to pursue acting career then I will disappear from their life for always to somewhere far where they will not be able to find me. I know my first decision can bring me many haters but that is fine too then pretending to be happy when you are not.
When I reached the rooftop to burn the letter and reached for the pocket where I have kept the letter it simply was not there. I searched all of the pockets of my hood, pants, shirts but it just was not there and now I am so scared. I am scared for life coz if that letter got into the wrong hands it can ruin all of our careers specially Youngjae and Jaebum which I do not want to. As long as it is I, it is fine but I do not want anything happen to Youngjae and Jaebum, so I tried to search for it. As long as I remember, it was with me during the practice then where did it go.
So, I ran back down to the ground floor of 8 storey building where our practice room was located, just to see that letter was nowhere to find and neither was Im Jaebum and as long as I am sure he is the who had got the letter and must be reading it somewhere. I had to get to him before he read out the whole letter. I don’t want him to find out about the things I have written in there it could create a much bigger problem between us. He will know everything that I do not want him to know.
NOTE : I DO NOT KNOW HOW IT IS SO SOME WOULD BE APPRECIATED TO KNOW THAT ITS GOOD 3NOUGH TO CONTINUE. THANK YOU.
ENJOY READING
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