Love Grown Cold

Why?

Several years later
Natasha ran through the halls of SHIELD, eager to have the rumors she had heard all day confirmed. She burst into Fury's office.

"Is it true?" She demanded as he looked up. He sighed, already knowing what she was talking about. "Did they find Steve Rogers?"

Nick sighed, rubbing his eye. "Yes, it's true. Natasha, wait." He added quickly as she turned to run out of the room. "I need to tell you something first.

"And what's that?" She asked, almost scared to know.

"He's not going to remember you," Nick told her quietly.

"What? Why?" Natasha demanded quickly. "Does he have amnesia? Is he ok?"

"Yes, Agent, he's fine. And no, he doesn't have amnesia. But he won't remember you."

"Why only me?" Natasha asked, already knowing that she wasn't going to like the answer.

"Because we removed you from his memory."

"What?!" Natasha ranted and swore at him for at least half an hour. By the time she stopped, she was sobbing. She finally collapsed on the floor, arms around her knees, face buried in her knees. "Why, Nick?" She whispered.

"Because it's going to be traumatic enough for him waking up with his entire world gone. He's gonna think that all of his friends are either dead or old. Having you be the same age still... he'd have an even harder time."

"But Nick," Natasha whispered. "He's my best friend, my brother." She shook her head. "You had no right to do that."

Nick sighed. "Believe it or not, Natasha, I actually thought ahead of time as well." He walked over and knelt next to his favorite agent, the one he had come to think of as a daughter. "This is only temporary, until he has time to adjust. After that, he'll start regaining his memories. It'll be slow at first, but eventually, he will get all of them back."

Natasha raised her head and sighed. "So he'll get his memory back. But in the meantime..."

"In the meantime, you will stay away from him until we deem him stable. When that happens, you will be able to go to him and help him with this world, become his friend again."

"But I'm so different now." Natasha murmured. "Will he even want to become friends with me?"

"You know him better than anyone. Will he?"
*
A few years later, after Winter Soldier
Natasha was sitting in a small cafe, drinking coffee and trying to figure out what was going on in her life. Steve finally trusted her again, which was a relief, SHIELD was gone, which was not, and her "secrets" had been spilled onto the internet. But at least her real secret hadn't been spilled. If it had, nothing would've been the same. But at the same time, she desperately wished that Steve remembered her. Every time she saw him, she had a rush of memories, good times and bad, and wanted him to feel the same.

And then, of course, there was Bucky. Bucky, she thought with a pang. After he had shot her in Odessa, Natasha had known that the fun loving, flirtatious, kind man she'd fallen in love with was finally gone. But then he had reappeared and, momentarily, had seemed to remember something, since he saved Steve when he'd fallen from the Helicarrier.

And so now, Steve was determined to find Bucky, the Winter Soldier, unknowingly causing Natasha horrible pain as she watched her adopted brother chase after his brainwashed best friend, the very best friend that Natasha had spent almost her entire time in SHIELD trying to find and fix.

She sighed into her coffee. She wished so much and that accomplished nothing.

"Hey girlie!" Came a familiar voice. Natasha turned and saw Clint grinning at her. "Nat, if you sigh much harder into that coffee, you're going to blow it away."

Natasha gave him a tired smile. "I'm just in that mood today, I guess."

Clint gave her a sad smile and sat down. "I heard about the old ice blocks."

Natasha smirked. "Which one?"

He chuckled. "Both I guess." He turned serious. "How are you holding up?"

"Not well." Natasha admitted. She laid her head down on the table. "I finally thought I was fine, but now ... I just don't know what to do."

"You still have feelings for James?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course I do. I never got over him. There's never been anyone even close to him."

"Maybe that's the problem." Clint mused. "You've never even tried to get over him."

"Clint, that's not the problem."

"No, it isn't." He agreed. "But, Nat, what if you just flirted a little, remind yourself that he's not the only man in the world."

"With who?" She snapped. "Tony's disgusting and taken, I refuse to flirt with my brother, regardless of his memory, Thor is out, and you're married. That would only leave..." her eyes widened as she realized Clint's implication. "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, a thousand times no!"

"But Nat..."

"But Nat nothing! I refuse to flirt with Banner. He's boring, annoying, ridiculously insecure even for me, not even remotely handsome... what on earth makes you think he'd be a good option?! He doesn't even come close to James! What on earth makes you think that this is a good idea?!"

Clint motioned for her to calm down. "Look, I'm not saying fall in love with the guy and marry him, I'm saying flirt a little. It won't kill you."

"It might." She grumbled. "Look, no one on the team knows you're married. Why can't I just flirt with you?"

"Because that would be even more fake." He responded. "Think of it as an experiment."

"I'm not going to do it."

He grinned. "Just think about it."
*
After Age of Ultron
She couldn't believe she'd done it. She's flirted with Bruce Banner. It disgusted her, especially since he'd actually seemed to come to like her. But her own feelings were unchanged. She was still in love with James. She'd known that her feelings for him would never change. Because they were real. And she was finally ready to begin looking again. For him. For the man she would always love.