A Murder Of Crows {16}

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                Her name was Aria, and she was my first everything.

                My first best friend, my first real friend, my first kiss, the first person I ever really trusted. Days were dull until her blue eyes lit them up.

                I could remember that first kiss. We were just children, playing together in the woods behind Aria's house. She'd stood next to me, frowning and cocking her head to the side.

                "I'm going to kiss you," she'd announced.

                "Why?" I'd asked.

                "Because if we're each other's first kiss, no one can break our hearts," she'd said.

                She was always saying things like that. Things that made me furrow my brow and think about them endlessly, turning them over and over in my head, inspecting every word for their real meaning. Sometimes I thought she said those things as a joke. Sometimes I thought she was serious. Sometimes I just didn't know.

                But I'd shrugged, and she'd kissed me. A quick peck on the lips, neither of us old enough to really understand attraction and sexuality.

                I was old enough now, though.

                I touched my lips, the taste of Jamison's gone but the wounds still there. Being part of the Collectors was my life now. It was my top priority or to focus on that so I didn't slip up and get caught. Kissing the president of the Crows was not logical.

                I stared up at the ceiling, tired after a sleepless night of tossing and turning. I had no one to talk to about all of this. It was driving me crazy, words begging for a release. I'd never been one for talking, but this felt too big to keep to myself much longer.

                The lack of sleep wasn't helping my control. I got out of bed and went down to the showers, keeping the water cold in hopes it would help me wake up a little.

                After grabbing what I needed for class, I hurried down to the market for coffee. Kids were starting to head towards the academic building, and I dreaded following them. Class meant seeing Jamison, and I'd let my control of the situation slip. I had no idea what happened next.

                But I had to face this at some point, so I forced my legs to carry me to class. Sure enough, Jamison was already there.

                He watched me enter the room, but simply nodded a greeting at me. I ignored him, taking my seat and drinking my coffee in desperate hopes it'd give me the energy boost I needed to get through morning lectures.

                It was a failed hope as my focus kept slipping. Teachers talked and I tried my best to take detailed notes, but more often than not their words floated in my ears and died off when they met the overwhelming force of my thoughts. There was no room for unnecessary lectures in my mind right now.

                By lunch time, all the coffee had achieved was making me jumpy. My thoughts were muddled, and I couldn't wait for this day to be over so I could just sleep. I'd definitely need to take a quick nap before I tried to do my homework. This kind of exhaustion would affect my grades.

                "Someone looks dead," Val said as she caught up to me.

                I ignored her, not in the mood to deal with her right now. Really, this all traced back to her. If it hadn't been for Val, I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

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