Equals

Chapter 16

Learning from Memory

             “You-you want me to what?”

              “It’s not a hard question Madison, tell me about Michael. Make me feel the way I used to be.”

              “Well…what do you want to know?”

              “What was he like? What did I think about him? Why does Maria hate him? What was our relationship like?”

              “Okay, okay…well, Michael was a year or two older than us, shaggy brown hair, great smile, almond-shaped eyes. He was really adventurous, curious about everything…but very serious. He really loved you.” I try not to smile, but I feel one on my lips already.

              “Really, he did?”

              “Yeah…and you really, really loved him too. You used to say it a lot.” Images flash in my mind of things I barely remember, the tunnel where he called me beautiful, us holding hands on the way home, the touch of his hands on my face, him starting to kiss my lips, going to his home…

              “Oh… sorry I just, I was…thinking. Keep going.”

              “Well, let’s see…Maria hated the Hideout because she thought it would ruin the city’s way of life. And then that day…when everything happened…” I tell her to stop, but I’m already seeing images in my mind of bloody streets, screaming people, talking to Maria, watching the guards drag him towards me bloody and bruised. Watching them beat him mercilessly, strangling me, listening to his cries as they pull him away from me…

              “I remember you saved me.”

              “You do?”

              “After…that, you brought me to a cave, and helped me…I used to call you Maddy?” she smiles and laughs to herself. I hear her voice cracking.

              “Yeah, you did. We were b-best friends…”

              “Then what happened?”

              “Well, we made a plan to break into the hospital,” I see the gas bomb in my head, “then I told you about Michael,” I see his dead body on the bed, “and you said goodbye. Then we left, but she tracked us down and took us back a-and then she…” I see her get this look in her eyes, and her body starts shivering. I remember it just as well as she does. Her body absorbing every shock of the freezing water, everything about it was wrong.

          “It’s okay Madison—Maddy. You can stop now if you want. I won’t push you.” I grab her hand. She looks at me, even more surprised than ever.

            “Oh my god…It’s you…”

            “What do you mean?”

              “It was you! Just then, it was like…like the old Azurite was here.” I smile at her, trying not to show my teeth.

              “Maybe we can make the old Azurite come back.” She smiles sadly.

              “That’s really the end of everything. After that, I watched them take you away and…and I never saw you—I mean, the real Azurite again.”

              “What did I use to look like, Maddy? I can’t remember at all…”

              “You never thought you were pretty, but you were a lot prettier than I am. Michael thought you were—“

              “Beautiful, I remember that.”

              “In my opinion, you were a lot more beautiful than the Servie Azurite. I mean, now you’re still beautiful but…in a different way.”

              “Yeah I know, we’re made to look attractive but also meant to scare people too.”

              “You were so different…so strong and confident and…terrifying. You got so angry over everything so easily.”

              “I never meant to…I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

              “It’s that operation that you had. They fix your body and your brain. But we’re reversing it now, you’ll be okay.”

              “How do you know so easily?”

              “I just have a feeling. The old Azurite wouldn’t stop trying to come back, I know that much.” She smiles as we continue to remember everything about our old lives. It takes all night, but it’s actually fun—well, most of it. I love hearing more about Michael, and more about how much fun Maddy and I used to have. Eventually it’s time for me to head back to Servie Headquarters. She doesn’t want me to go, but I promise I’ll visit again. “Azurite, if you go back they’ll just keep trying to flip your memories back again. We’ll have to restart every day.”

              “It’s gonna be fine, Maddy. My mind is pretty untouchable these days, trust me.” She finally lets me go.

              I go back to my bedroom, my head is aching. I hear someone step in my room.

           “Calix, what are you doing here?!”

              “I saw you today.”

              “What do you mean?”

              “I saw you with that girl, talking. You looked like you were getting…along with each other.”

              “Well…I-I …I don’t know what to tell you…I just went to talk to her and got caught up in the conversation, I guess.”

              “Azurite…tell me the truth. I’m just as smart as you.”

              “Okay fine, I’ll tell you…but you have to promise, you won’t tell anyone!”

              “Fine, it can’t be that bad.”

              “PROMISE, CALIX! IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!”

              “Okay, okay I promise, happy now?”

              “No, but you’re going to find out either way…” I tell him everything, well…skipping parts of Michael. But I tell him about Maddy, and everything I’ve hidden. I tell him about how the operation changes your mind, and how I’ve been working with her to reverse it. When I’m finally finished all he says is,

              “Okay…so what are we going to do now?”

              “’We,’ aren’t doing anything. It’s just Maddy and I in this.”

              “Well, you may as well include me in whatever you’re going to do, I mean, I know everything.” He’s right. If I don’t include him he could report me. But if I do, Maddy would get in trouble.

              “UGH WHY ARE YOU SO STUBBORN?! FINE, I’LL TAKE YOU TONIGHT! Just, shut up about this okay!?” He smiles and kisses my cheek. I push him away and go to sleep.