Stay with me..

5

PEETA POV :1 and a half weeks later

The silence is the only thing driving me crazy
Not the torture
Not the smell
Not Katniss
The silence
The silence that seals up any memory's we once had full of noise and laughter
The silence that reminds me that no-one cares
That no-one tries to help
That no-one is there
Some might wish for silence, wish that everyone would just shut up and be quiet but I swear the minute I get out of here I won't tell another soul to be quiet
I won't spend any longer in silence than I have to

Katniss lies asleep next to me
Katniss Everdeen, love of my life, now asleep
Appearing free from harm on the outside, but struggling to hold on to what's real on the inside
I wish I could help her, I really do, I promised her I would
But whatever I do I better do quick, because I know that they are showing her clips of me, trying to make me seem evil, and I've told her a million times it's not true, but I know it will still get to her
She'll still think I'm evil
And I don't think I'll be able to bring her back

She hasn't said much the pasts few days, she has asked me the odd question or two and I've told her about Real or Not Real, buts that's it
She just sleeps and...well she doesn't eat that much I guess
I wish we could just swap places, let myself be the one hijacked, I'd do it all again, just so that I could hear her say my name without hesitation to what it means

But that's not going to happen anytime soon

I stare down at her face
Her scars seem beautiful, like trophies for a warrior, like she did everything on purpose
Her hair, burnt at the ends, brushes off the floor in a mangled heap, yet she still looks like herself, like Katniss Everdeen
But though her face may look like Katniss her frame definitely does not
Her muscles are tensed, ready to lash out at any sign of danger and her whole body seems to shiver
She's thin, too thin, I'd say you could easily count her ribs, yet she won't eat, she's too consumed inside of her thoughts and memories
I reach my hand down to her face and wash a strand of hair from her eyes
She stirs and I stand back, not wanting to wake her when suddenly a look of alarm crosses her face
Her body shivers even more and I start to worry
"Kat-" I croak, my voice sore from not speaking for awhile
I clear my throat and try again "Katniss?"
She doesn't wake, but her shivering increases
"Katniss?!" I shout crawling to her and shaking her shoulders, trying to awake her from whatever dream she's having
Suddenly she screams at the top of her lungs and my terrible silence is over
"Katniss?! KATNISS WAKE UP!" I shout over the screams
But this time it works
Her eyes dart round the room and her screams stop
Sheepishly she sits up and leans her back against the wall
Her face doesn't look like her and she's very pale
"Katniss...." I start

KATNISS POV

"Katniss...." he starts
Memories rush round my mind as I try to register the last dream I had
Memory? Dream? I can't tell but either way it wasn't pleasant
It was Peeta again, it's always Peeta, he always in it, but this time it was different he wasn't exactly evil, he was trying to fight it, trying to tell me he wasn't, but yet he still was
It's hard to explain
Peeta opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off
"NO....no"
A look of hurt washes his face for a split second but then leaves
"It wasn't real..." he says, his voice soft, trying to calm me
I hate it when he does that
"How do you know?!" I snap "you're just as messed up as I am!"
Peeta takes a deep breath and continues
"Tell me what happened, and I'll tell you real or not real"
He does this a lot, this real or not real thing, and I usually give in but not this time
"I don't want to talk about it" I answer, trying to keep my grudge
Peeta smiles "ok then.."
He turns his back to me and pretends to play with his shoes
"You don't have laces you know" I say to his back
"MmHm" He answers
There's a long silence until finally I give in
"It was you again.." Peeta turns around again to meet my gaze but I stare at the floor "you weren't exactly evil but you were attacking me, but after each hit you would keep saying stuff like "it's not real" or "I'm on your side" and other things like that"
I take a breath and continue "but you kept attacking me, I'd tell you to stop and you'd say "ok" but you wouldn't stop.....Real or not real?"
Peeta answers full of pity "Not Real.."

-later that night-
KATNISS POV

In out, In out, In out
The sound of Peeta's breath fills the air
I've been following his pattern for quite awhile now
In out...in out...in out...

My side of the cell is damp, cold and damp
The lack of human comfort is terrible, but yet I can't seem to trust Peeta to let him fill the gap....yet
I've had memories come back to me of him holding me, he arms felt strong, his grip protective
But I can't bring myself to think it's real

There is one thing though I'm certain of, one thing I can set my mind to be true is that,
I Hate The Capitol
The Capitol, head house of Panem, home to rich snitches who torture kids for their benefit
And I fell for their game