Pag Mulat

II. The Better than No

"I love you, gets mo?"

I bit my nails.

"Mahal kita, Wo ai ni, Saranghae, Aishiteru." Dagdag ko pa. Hays, kahit paano ko pa sabihin yon, ang mas mahalaga ay yung isasagot niya. Pinagtitinginan na ako ng mga taong dumadaan, you don't know about love people. Don't judge!

It's not my graduation speech that I've been practicing for the day of my high school graduation, dahil una sa lahat, wala ako sa honors at pangalawa, what I've been practicing is how I am going to tell him my secret.

Kanina pa tapos ang graduation pero napakadaming nakapaligid na babae sakanya and it's making me crazy. All I have is my charm. I tucked my curly hair at the back of my ear, pinagpag ko din yung light pink kong dress na abot lang sa ibabaw ng tuhod ko. For the first time, I put on a little bit of make-up, tinulungan ako ni mama para naman maligawan daw ako. She didn't even know na isa lang naman ang gusto kong manligaw sakin and that is Kristan.

I patiently waited for him sa may benches kung saan alam kong dadaan siya because our parents are waiting for us sa isang restaurant para sa celebration ng graduation namin. Isa pa I wanna congratulate him for receiving so many honors. He really is such a smart ass. Kaya nga parang sobrang mas bata ang dating ko sakanya kahit ang totoo ay mas matanda lang siya sakin ng isang taon.

I was swaying my feet habang nakaupo sa benches, I'm holding onto my gift for Kristan, colored pencils because he loves to draw.

"Hi!" I looked up to see my classmate Anton greeting me.

"Hi Anton." I smiled at him.

"Hindi kita nakilala sa ayos mo, you look great." He said. Nahihiya akong napayuko and whispered him my thanks. Anton is the cute and nerdy type, he is also in the top of our class at nakita kong madami rin siyang natanggap na medals. Nag dadalawang isip ako kung I cocongratulate ko ba siya because I initially wanted to tell it to Kristan, pero di naman na niya malalaman na may iba pa akong pinagsabihan diba.

"Congratulations." I said, pero bago pa siya makapag thank you, nahagip ng mata ko si Kristan, my eyes immediately lit up when I saw him walking towards me wearing a white long sleeved polo. Sobrang gwapo niya at patay na patay nanaman ako, anino niya pa lang naghuhuramentado na yung mga lamang loob ko. Papalapit na siya pwesto ko at papalapit pa at.. nilagpasan niya ako! Ugh. Snob talaga tong lalaking to. I hurriedly hopped off my seat.

"Kristan, wait!"

"O. Ikaw nanaman." He said na para bang di niya talaga ako nakita.

"Sabay na tayong pumunta sa resto." I said.

"Maglalakad lang ako kaya mauna ka na."

"Huh, eh maglalakad lang din ako e." Kunwaring sabi ko. I tried swaying my dress for him to notice.

"Then I'll take a cab. Ingat ka, tanga ka pa naman." Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nito. Oh no, I have to tell him what I have to tell him. Akmang aalis na siya.

"Hindi ako mag iingat." He stopped at what I said.

"Then don't." He said.

"Talaga! Kasi sasabay ako sayo. Hmf!" He sighed at nagbikit balikat ito. Mabilis itong naglakad, we were already walking sa gitna ng field papunta sa pinakamalapit na gate palabas ng campus.

Lakad takbo ako sa paghabol sakanya, sinasadya niya yata lalo pa't ang hahaba ng legs niya dahil matangkad siya. Sige lang Kristan, you can run but you can definitely not hide. Evil laugh.

Sa pagitan ng mga kalokohan sa isip ko, I tripped on a rock dahil nakatakong ako kaya naman napakapit ako sa likod niya.

"Aw!" Agad naman siyang napahinto. Humarap ito at nakakunot ang noo nito.

"What are you doing?" Inis na tanong nito.

"Walking?" I slowly looked up to him scared that he is mad at me. He passively looked at me then proceeded walking. "Kristan. I have something to tell you." I called him.

"Ano yun?" He stopped again then faced me looking impatient.

Nagmadali akong mag isip ng ibang sasabihin para lang ma prolong pa yung agony ko sa pag amin. This is it, my long awaited and overdue confession of my love for him.

"Congratulations!" I blurted out and handed him his gift. Tinignan niya lang ito.

"Huh, my gift din ba si Anton?" He arched his brows. Kumunot ang noo ko. Tapos ay tumalikod siya ulit at nagsimulang maglakad. Narinig niya yun? Teka, ba't ba puro pagtalikod ang alam ng lalaking to, sayang yung exposure niya sa kwento, shy type talaga to. I followed him.

"Kristan di pa ako tapos, uhm ano kasi.." I am having a problem constructing what I have to say habang habol habol ko siya. "Please hear me out." I said. Huminto ulit siya bigla kaya nauntog ako sa likod niya. He slowly faced me, and this time he looked as if he is ready to listen. Yumuko ako and I nervously bit my fingernails. He is tapping his feet on the ground.

"Uhm.."

"Ano?" He is getting more impatient every second.

"I love you." Tinignan ko siya sa mga mata. And there I finally said it.

I was waiting for what he has to say, nakatingin lang ito sakin at wala man lang reaksyon sa gwapo niyang mukha, and when he finally said something

"I know." Is all he said. Napatulala lang ako sa sagot niya.

He reached out his hand at ginulo niya ang ibabaw ng buhok ko.

"Congratulations, Caroline." He gave me a faint smile.

Bumilis yung tibok ng puso ko. Then he turned his back on me, but this time I didn't run after him. I just stared at his retreating figure and smiled. I know he always knew. Better answer than No, right?