Pag Mulat

XIV. The Free as a bird

Kenzie was snoring her lungs out sa ibabaw ng double deck while I was lying on my side and my ears are filled with tears.

It's already past 3 am at di pa rin ako matigil sa pag iyak. I was crying a river, and I don't even know how to swim.

I just want Kristan to see me as I am, I wasn't even trying to be anybody else. I know it may sound bragging but I've always been there for him. Kahit pa "panggulo" lang ako, it's the thought that counts right? I sighed. I couldn't even convince myself. What a failure, Caroline. I cried even more until I fell asleep.

The next day, I packed my things and I was planning to go home. Gusto ko lang umiyak sa nanay ko and maybe I could find some random person in the neighborhood na pwede kong maging asawa. For the project syempre. Siguro si Krystal na lang, tutal boyish naman yung batang yon. Late na ako nagising and Kenzie was gone, siya yung lasing pero parang ako pa ang may hangover at di nakapasok. She left me a note saying "sleep well, thank me later"

I was lazily going down stairs bitbit yung backpack ko when I saw Kristan walking toward the men's dorm. Napahinto ako, lunch break siguro nila. I refused to care. Siguro ibang tao naman talaga ako sakanya at pinipilit ko lang na hindi. I thought our group of friends is special for him, especially me, I hoped. But I guess it was "especially not me"

Napahinto din si Kristan nang makita ako, dali dali naman akong nag iwas ng tingin, dire diretso akong naglakad palabas ng dorm.

Suddenly, it started raining. Shit. Bat kasi di ako nakinig kay sir Kiko na magdala ng payong. I ran as fast as I can to the bus stop. May waiting shed naman pero sobrang puno ito ng mga estudyanteng may mag humulas nang make up, parang may feeding program sa sobrang dami ng tao at sumisilong. I patiently waited for the bus outside the shed, mas okay nang magkumpulan sila dun at makasakay ako ng bus pauwi. Dahan dahan nang nababasa yung buhok ko sa sobrang lakas ng ulan, I looked up and felt the rain pouring on my face, the rain drops reminded me of my teardrops last night, they were a lot.

Suddenly the dark blue skies were out of my sight, dahil may humarang na payong dito. I looked up to see Kristan. Pinapayungan ako nito and he was looking straight into my eyes. Napakurap kurap ako and I realized I have to look away and that's what I did.

"San ka pupunta?" Kristan asked almost sounding concerned.

May huminto nang bus and I immediately hopped in. Naalerto naman ito at walang pag aatubiling sinundan ako. He was standing beside me. At dahil maulan, talaga naman yung bus blockbuster. Tayuan nanaman ang peg natin. I tried to reach for the handle so that I could hold on to something to balance myself, pero gahibla na lang ng buhok ang kulang at di ko pa rin abot yon.

Nag brake yung bus kaya naman nauntog ako sa kilikili ng isang pasahero. Tumingin ito sakin ng masama. Grabe si ate, parang siya pa yung naharass eh yung ilong ko nga yun! I secretly rolled my eyes, I saw Kristan suppressing his laugh. Tinignan ko ito ng masama. He made a serious face. Tapos ay binalandra nya sakin yung ma maskels nyang bisig na nakahawak sa hawakan sa bus, he looked at me and he gestured me to hold on to it. Pakiramdam ko nasa teleserye kami at electric fan na lang for wind effect, at butterflies na lumilipad ang kulang. Iaangat ko na sana ang kamay ko para doon kumapit, pero bigla akong napaisip na patibong lang yon.

Kumunot bigla ang noo ko. I was mad at him and I am going home para malayo sa kamandag ng Kristan na to pero eto siya, binabalandra yung mainit niyang bisig na gusto kong takbuhan pabalik. Maybe he wants to apologize? Hmm let's think about it if I can forgive him.

"Bakit mo ba ako sinusundan?" Inis na tanong ko.

"You're my responsibility remember?" He said and I don't know why I feel like kind of disappointed.

"Oh.. right. Don't worry. Di ako magsusumbong kay Tita Kristy. You don't have to do this."

"You can't even bring yourself your own umbrella." He scoffed.

"Atleast di ako nang agaw ng payong ng iba, I didn't rely on other people this time. So why do you expect me to accept your help?"

"Because you need it?" He rolled his eyes. He told it to me as if I was insane. I needed help a lot of times in the past! And now he just wanna wipe his ass clean and make himself feel better for what he said to me last night.

"Sorry to tell you, but this time I don't." As if on cue, the bus went to a stop and I hurriedly got off kahit pa malayo pa ang babaan ko.

It was still raining cats and dogs and I felt it, kala ko ulan lang pero bat ang init, galing pa sa mga mata ko. I was crying.

And there he is, nakakunot ang noo na sumunod sakin sa my waiting shed.

"Caroline!"

"Sabe ko naman sayo, di ako magsusumbong." I told him not even looking. He looked frustrated, medyo basa na rin siya kahit may payong sya.

"I don't care. Mag sumbong ka man o hindi, you still need help. Di mo nga alam tong lugar na to."

"Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi that I'm being selfish and I'm a burden. Kailangan mo pang mag aral, and I need to make my project too. Tawid ka na lang, sakay ka pabalik."

"No, that's not even what I... Line, don't be too hard. Babaan mo nga yang pride mo and stop being so stubborn!" Yes, I see he's frustrated.

"Stubborn? Sino ba sa atin! Look at you telling me to grow up yet you can't just let me be. I mean it Kristan, just let me be just like you always do."

He looked at me breathing heavily his frustrations out. Sobrang bilis din ng tibok ng puso ko. This is my first time that I talked to him like this.

"What do you mean." He said all of a sudden.

"That you're free now. I don't need you anymore..

Ever."