Behind His Smile---JC Chasez Fanfiction

FIFTEEN

The hospital. Again. 

This time when JC opened his eyes, everything was hazy.  His right ear ached, and the monotonous bleeping of some machine wasn't helping.  Not to mention, there was a rushing sound filling his head as if it held a waterfall.

In a few seconds, the rushing sound became clearer, turning into voices. He recognized one voice, but not the other.  Must've been some random nurse or doctor.  Justin walked through the door, holding a vase of flowers and a package.

"From the fans," he explained, setting them on the table beside JC's bed.  "This box is filled with cards and letters for you."

JC eyed it.  He wasn't in the mood to read that stuff right now.  Not that he didn't care, he just didn't feel well enough.  Instead he rested his head against the thin hospital pillow.

"Can we talk, Justin?" he asked.

Justin set the box aside.  "Yeah, of course." he dragged a chair over beside the bed and sat. "What's up?"

JC breathed slowly, getting his thoughts together.  How was he supposed to begin this type of conversation...?

"You've known for awhile things have been weird, right?" JC began.  When Justin nodded, he continued.  "I think the other guys have noticed too.  But I was too afraid to say anything."

"About what?" Justin inquired.  

JC wet his lips.  "Pearlman."

Justin swallowed, looking down at his hands.  "I knew it.  I knew there was something strange."

JC blew a breath out his mouth slowly.  He hated this.  He looked at Justin.  "I don't wanna say what he's doing, can you just ask me questions, til it's out?"

Justin met JC's eyes, realizing this was clearly upsetting him. He frowned a bit.  "I'm not really sure what to ask, but is it about anything sexual?"

"So you already figured it out," JC stated, looking a bit relieved. He looked down at his lap.  "It's been going on since last year."

"What's he been doing?" Justin asked. 

JC was quiet a few moments, fighting with himself mentally.  He was ready to confide in his friend, but at the same time, he was scared out of his mind. Finally he drew in a deep breath.

"There's a lot he's been doing actually.  Starting with making me watch him take baths, and then making me shower with him, and then molesting me while I was in bed..." JC stopped short, catching his breath.  He winced against a pain in his chest.  "And there's a lot more..."

Justin was silent, not sure what on earth to say. JC spoke again.

"He forced me, Justin." JC's voice was cracking with held in emotion.  "He made me and I didn't want to, but I had to.  He said I had to if I wanted to stay in the band."

"JC---"Justin started. He touched his friend's shoulder.

"You can't say anything," JC said, looking at him.  "Promise.  I trust you and that's why I'm telling you. Promise you won't tell anyone else."  He was visibly shaky.

Justin scratched the back of his neck.  "JC, it's not good to keep this kind of thing hidden.  You should tell--"

"No.  Please don't tell anyone." JC pleaded in a half whisper. He stared down at his hands, trying to control the tears that were threatening to spill out.  Everything was silent, including Justin.  

After a few moments Justin swallowed and looked at the floor.  "I promise, JC."

JC didn't look at him, or even thank him.  He kept his eyes on his hands.  "He made me touch him in----places.  It was so nasty.  And if I didn't do it, he would hold me down and--"

"You don't have to tell me," Justin broke in.  "I really do care, JC, you know that, but it seems like you're really uncomfortable talking about it."

JC sighed.  "I wanted to tell somebody tho.  I had to.  I can't hold it in any more."

By this time, Justin's face was glowing.  With anger. He held his hands together, trying to control his breathing. JC wasn't done.

"A few months ago when I was at Kat's apartment, he came by in the middle of the night.  Kat was drunk, and sound asleep." JC eye's fixed on the white wall.  "He wouldn't stop touching me. And he didn't leave until 7 in the morning."

Justin couldn't stop himself.  "Why.  Why JC.  Why didn't you call one of us guys, or the police, or something and make him stop.  Make him leave you alone.  Why did you just let this go on?"

"Because!" JC was getting riled.  "If I did, he'd deny it.  He's the big boss, you know.  He can get away with anything.  He'd say he came over to talk business and I was just making allegations to get attention."

"At 5 in the morning?!" Justin almost shouted.  "Which kind of boss comes to talk business with ONE band member in his bedroom at 5 IN THE MORNING?!"

JC spoke quietly.  "You don't even understand.  He threatened me everytime.  He threatened me about money.  About benefits....about the rest of you guys."

"What did he say about us?" Justin inquired.  He was standing now.

"That he would make your lives miserable if I didn't cooperate with him.  I didn't want anything to happen to you."

"So you just took all the crap yourself." Justin remarked.  He folded his arms against his chest.  "Wow, JC.  This has been going on for awhile, we all knew something was up, and you're just now telling me."

"It wasn't something I'm just totally comfortable talking about!" JC defended himself.  "It took time.  I can barely believe I'm even telling you now!"

Justin shook his head, looking at the floor. "We are your friends JC.  All of us.  You could have told any of us, and we would've helped you."

JC turned his head away from Justin. "I thought this was going to make me feel better.  But it hasn't. Now I feel sick to my stomach."

"Me too," Justin replied. He paced a little, getting his thoughts together.

"You know," JC spoke.  "I guess it's kind of good I'm in the hospital."

"Why's that," Justin asked.

"Because tonight...tonight he was going to make me sleep with him."

"What!?" Justin screeched.  "He scheduled this stuff?!"

JC shut his eyes, leaning back. "He's an organized mess, man.  He schedules everything according to his own time...even if it's 5 in the morning."