moon-bound ♤ wolfstar

chapter//fifteen

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Needless to say, their rescue mission or whatever the hell it was did not go as planned. It was almost as if Lance was waiting for them to be back, or like he was expecting retaliation. James said he'd contacted the wizard authorities, but it seemed to do no good. Sirius always kind of knew it wasn't going to change anything, it was a prickling in his gut that wouldn't go away. They'd been doing this for Merlin knows how long, some authorities wouldn't change that. But, with that thought, Sirius began to wonder why he thought he could do something any different.

Of course, he couldn't, not really. He was all confidence and smiles on the outside, but on the inside, it was a much bigger mess than he'd ever really thought. He had a guilty conscience, and he had a knack for ruining good things because he got scared when things weren't going to hell. He and Remus, his mind backfired and he hurt him in one of the worst ways possible, all because it was going well and he had to mess it up again to feel human. It was horrible, he knew, but as soon as the path seemed to be working out once again, he decided to come rescue people and that in itself would probably end up getting him killed.

He and Remus.

Blue skies don't last forever. Nothing does, and he was finally coming to terms with the fact when things were actually going well he would fuck them up, it was a brand new realization and Sirius had cried and choked on nothing for hours after he figured it out because now he knew his problem and he'd never be able to tell Remus he knew what was going on inside his head because he hadn't seen Remus for a week. But now, Sirius couldn't stop staring.

He'd seen Remus after countless full moons, scarred and bloody and exhausted, but somehow... right now, Sirius noted, he looked worse than he ever had after a full moon. Maybe not to anyone else, but Sirius could sense something was wrong. His mind was racing. Sirius felt sick. This was his bloody fault. He'd hurt Remus yet again, and he didn't even realize what he was doing.

Next thing he knew he was crying once again. He looked so, so weak. Sirius was virtually fine, he was fed and given water, he was treated like a common house pet, cage and all. He'd been there for days on end, and nothing had changed. He'd heard various cries and screams that broke his heart a little more, he was here to help them, not to listen to them while these people slowly killed them.

He felt positively useless because nothing had changed. Not until that day when he finally saw Remus again, he'd tried shouting to wake him but no avail. He looked dead, and the only thing that made Sirius know he was alive is the shallow rise and fall of his chest. Rapid breaths, he was barely getting enough air to his lungs, Sirius could tell. And he could tell because he knew Remus more than he realized he did.

Sirius reached his hands through the cage bars and began pulling at the lock, tugging and scratching it. When that didn't work, he began trying to get nails out of the top of the cage and to try and pick the lock, his fingers were bloody and his fingernails ripped down, but he kept trying because he needed to get Remus out. He needed to apologize because he finally knew what was going on and maybe now that he knew he was able to fix it.

Sirius hadn't felt thing scared and frustrated since he was a measly nine years old, his father had locked him in a cupboard that he barely fit in because he had announced he wanted to get married to one of his favorite male Quidditch players. He didn't know that was wrong at the time, he was fairly sheltered as a child. He had screamed and cried until his voice was raw, banging his fists on the door begging to be let out. His hands bled and contained small splinters and he was terrified.

He wasn't let out for another day until his brother Regulus could no longer bear to listen to his elder brother cry. Sirius had collapsed into his brother's little arms and cried, thanking him between exhausted and thankful sobs. Regulus had awkwardly patted him on the back and stood there as he cried.