moon-bound ♤ wolfstar

chapter//sixteen

Sirius did come back. Of course, he did. How could he leave Remus? There were no explanations or exclamations, no sighs of relief of thankful hugging, reassuring kisses. No, it wasn't like that. Three days after James had left him there, he apparated to the small cabin in the rocky mountains, right into the bedroom he had shared with Remus. Remus was sleeping soundly but awoke with the small pop of Sirius appearing in the room. They locked eyes, neither smiled, neither felt relieved.

Sirius had blood on his hands and his face and clothes, and he was shaking, trembling, crying. Remus silently slipped out of bed and grabbed his bloody hands without a second thought and led him into the bathroom all while murmuring small words of reassurance. The look of fear on Sirius's face broke Remus's heart. He'd missed Sirius, kept calling out for him while he was locked up in that awful place, he couldn't express how thankful he was to once again have him in his arms.

Remus helped him in the shower and helped him clean the blood off his body without a single word. Remus wasn't sure if he wanted to know what happened and he wasn't sure if Sirius was ready, or if he'd ever be ready, to tell him. After the blood was off he did his best to help Sirius with whatever else he needed, and then he climbed into bed. Sirius was soon to follow but in the form of Padfoot. Remus smiled and wrapped his arms around the large dog, and it didn't take long for either to fall asleep.

Morning came far too fast, flickering through the window that they had covered with a small blanket. Sirius was no longer Padfoot when they woke up, and he was clinging to Remus. He smiled and ran a hand through Sirius's still slightly damp hair. "I love you, Remus, you know that, right? I never wanted to hurt you, you mean the world and more to me. While I was trapped in that awful place I realized what's wrong with me." Remus raised his eyebrows and let Sirius take a breath.

"I mess things up. I grew up in a chaotic household, everything was always a fucked up mess and it was unsafe, and I grew up expecting the worst, so when things are going good my instinct is to mess everything up. I get scared something bad will happen and instead of waiting I just do it myself. I don't mean to, Moony, I never wanted to hurt you. I only meant to hurt myself but you got caught in the storm." Remus sighed and placed a kiss on the top of Sirius's head.

"There's no need to explain anything, it happens." Sirius scooted away from Remus to look up at him.

"I can't express how sorry I am, Rem. I'm never going to hurt you again. I promise," Sirius vowed, burying his face back into Remus's chest.

"Siri..."

"Nope! I'm never hurting you again!" Sirius interrupted. "I would hate myself and I..." Remus sighed and tilted Sirius's chin up to meet his eyes.

"We all make mistakes, you'll make more, I'll make more, we're human, Sirius."

"I love you." Remus smiled and kissed him on his pale chapped lips. Remus's were soft and contrasted against his while their lips moved slowly and lazily. Remus couldn't get enough of him, he was salty and sweet and tasted slightly of blood, but he didn't care. He was Sirius and that was enough for him. After another minute, Sirius pulled away and looked up at Remus again. "Are you doing okay?"

"I feel like someone pulled out all of my organs and haphazardly put them all back, and I can feel Moony buzzing beneath my skin, plus I'm worried about you. Seeing you here, now, makes me feel better but... yeah, yeah I think I'm doing okay." Sirius forced a small smile and sat up, Remus following soon after.

"I should go tell them I'm back, shouldn't I?" Sirius wondered aloud.

"If you want to. You don't have to." Sirius sighed and got up, glancing back at Remus with a small smile.