What Happens in Mexico

M

"Well?" Mickey asked Ian as they sat in the back seat.

"Mickey, what happened in Mexico?" Ian got to the point.

His eyebrows shot up but his eyes fell to the floor. "You know what they say. What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico." He was deflecting.

"How did you get the money?" Ian learned a long time ago not to push Mickey when he didn't want to talk about something.

"A job well done." The words made sense but it wasn't enough of an answer for Ian.

"Please. " Ian asked him. Mickey couldn't look at him. Ian knew Mickey was vulnerable next to him in this tight space.

"I did it for you asswipe." Mickey reached in his back pocket for an envelope. "I wanted to get you back for, you know." He gave Ian the envelope.

"What's this? I don't want this Mickey. That wasn't a loan."

"I know what it was." Mickey was starting to feel uneasy and out of place, even though he had never felt out of place next to Ian.

"I wanted to. Look at me. I fucking wanted to."

"What's done is done man." He shrugged his shoulders.

"I wanted to Mickey, but a life with you is a life full of losing you. I'm fine leaving my job, friends, whatever, even my family. I'd start the car right now and drive across this country with you but what happens when you get carted off to jail again? Or your new friends from Mexico come looking for you and they find you? Don't you see the shit I have to think about every time you come back in to my life." Ian would practically be yelling right now if he wasn't afraid his voice would crack.

"See I don't buy that. Do you even realize all the shit I did for you? What you think I had fun sittin in a cell while you got yourself a uniform and prince fuckin charming? You think he's gonna deal with you when you lose your shit? Think he'd take a bullet for you? I'd think again. Those are god damn excuses."

Ian felt like the world was tumbling beneath him. He hurt the person who loved him most and it felt like someone was forcing Ian to look in the mirror. Ian couldn't look at Mickey. They sat in silence for a while. Ian was holding back tears and didn't want Mickey to know.

"I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. I-don't even know what to-fuck." Ian choked up and couldn't finish his fucking sentence.

Mickey chuckled a little. "Are you fucking crying?" He laughed again. "Pussy."

Ian laughed with him to ease the pain. "Can you forgive me?"

Mickey looked at Ian. Could he say no to him? He was the whole fucking world to him and even though he laid the pieces of his broken heart in front of him with no intention to forgive him, Mickey couldn't help himself. "If you buy yourself a damn haircut with that money." He mocked Ian's hair that had become quiet unruly.

Mickey pushed a bit of Ian's hair out of his face. Ian held mickey's hand to his face. Ian leaned in halfway and Mickey leaned the rest of the way. They kissed softly and it was a goodbye but it felt like a hello.

"So what now?" Ian sat back in his seat.

"Friends?" Mickey smiled unsatisfied with that suggestion.

"Yeah." Ian felt even more disappointed. For a moment he really felt like he could fix things. But Ian was an EMT he knew bandaids couldn't replace stitches. Their wounds needed time.

"Jay will be out in a second. I gotta go. Stay out of trouble Gallagher." They hadn't realized their hands were still touching. They let go reluctantly. Then Mickey left the car as Ian's 'friend'.