𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐌𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 | ✓

Ch.20 Shed a tear

I had a lot on my mind, with me deciding whether to stay in Seoul and finish my first year of college or just go home. I also had the pressure of Seung on my shoulders. She was low-key intimidating. I knew she was bad news but, not this bad. She was more violent than she seemed. She was definitely a two-faced person. Lately, I've been having chest pains, I went to the doctor to see what the deal was and turns out, it was from stress. She told me to do things every now and then so I can relax or forget about some of the things that do stress me out.

It's one of the main reasons I don't speak or do anything with Jimin anymore. He stresses me out too much, and like my doctor said it isn't healthy to keep doing things that stress or do give me stress. I've noticed over the time I stopped spending time or talking to him, he's been looking so down lately. He won't smile or really communicate with anyone. He'd always be in his room either doing what he wants or work.

It's just after that night, on New Years, the exact second I told him I was done and sorry to ruin Seung and his special moment, I saw his heartbreak. I couldn't believe it, I hurt a guy like him. The thing was he was hurting me first. But still, it happened and our relationship will never be the same because of it.

And I've been really down. It's just my feelings are more noticeable. And I haven't been really motivated to do anything. My situation is so bad, I go to therapy to talk my feelings out. And turns out I have a lot of baggage.

All of this anger inside of me doesn't make me feel good. The thing was, it was normal, from time to time I would have mixed emotions and want to scream. To call me down I would get a popsicle to eat. Those make me calm. It takes me back to a time where everything in my life was perfect.

When I was on my way to the kitchen, I noticed Jimin was sitting on the couch. All of the lights were off and the TV wasn't on, he startled me at first, I didn't take it too bad. It was 2 am so I was really confused.

(Jimin: BOLD You: REGULAR)

"Are you really going to try to ignore me? Even when you looked me dead in the face? Are you so mad, you don't you don't want to talk to me?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Oh! So you also talk now?"

"What bone are you trying to pick with me Jimin"

"I've tried being nice and excepting how mad you were with me. I gave you your time. But- but you're acting like a...."

"A what?"

"A bitch" he finally let out

"Excuse m-me? Last time I checked I wasn't the person who lied to their friend to spare their petty feelings!"

"Oh just leave it! You've already said it over a hundred times and the more you say it the more pissed I get."

"Well, I'm sorry I can't stop telling you the truth. But of course you don't understand, fuckboys like you never understand what it's like for people to-to..."

"What!"

"PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. I LOVED YOU, I tried not to but I did anyway. And what did you do? YOU BROKE MY HEART INTO A MILLION PIECES, and you knew I was too scared to open up to my feelings"

"The only reason I stopped talking to you was because I needed to distance myself, from...everything. It's funny you can't understand why you're so irresistible. It's the only reason girls try to use me or hate me."

"But, you're the famous Park Jimin who gets what he wants. Have you ever worked for what you want? Have you ever considered thinking about others feelings?"

"I've lost my brother at a young age. Been mistreated because of my roots. I was even in an abusive relationship, and I still am suffering from stress, anxiety, and depression. So, do you think I deserve to be upset now? Or are you still pissed with me?"

"Y/n, I-"

"Don't Y/n-me. Jimin, I try to forgive you, I really do, but not this time."

After I let out my feelings towards how angry, sad, and confused I was to Jimin, I grabbed my popsicle and walk back to my room trying to hold my tears in. And everything about my anxiety, stress, and depression was true. I know it seems like a lot but, its what I have. I got anxiety after going through what I did with Chin-hwa, my stress from college work and social life.

And my depression, that happened when I was in middle school. It got worse when I lost my brother, I had to go to therapy every day until they thought I was handling my feelings well. It never did help though, I felt shut out from the whole world because of it. And the girls at school would be jealous because of who my parents were, all I wanted was to be considered normal.

Even if I was older, my brother still tried to protect me from everyone who didn't like me. That's another reason I loved him to pieces.
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Narrator POV :

The second Y/n shut the door leading to her room, Jimin couldn't help but think about all of what she said. She said she loved him and he hurt her and more than once. A couple minutes later, Jin came out of his room with half-open eyes.

"What happened out here? I heard yelling are you ok?"

Jimin took his time to answer his reply:

" I think I ruined the relationship with the only girl I loved."

"Well, since I'm awake now, do you want to talk about. I'm no Taehyung but, you still can talk to me."

Jin said before sitting down on the couch with a drink in his hands.

"It's Y/n... You know lately, she hasn't talked to me?"

"Yeah."

"It really hurt me when she did, I sort of went off on her about it. I've been going off on everybody lately."

"And...?"

"And she told me why. She said she loved me. She confessed for the second, and she told me how much I was hurting her. Y/n's been going through a lot. I didn't even know she had these mental illnesses."

"It kind of scares me, to be honest. She told me why she's always been a closed off person and why she was hurting. She doesn't even want to talk to me anymore because of everything I put her through, Hyung."

He starts to shed tears "It's all my fault, and I can't fix it."

"Jimin, wipe your tears away. This isn't healthy..... You must really love her."

"How can you tell?"

"Because of the way you look her in the eye. And how you act towards her. Never have I ever seen you this protective over a girl."

" You also never beat yourself up about one either. That's how I know it's real."

"I know it may not seem like it now but, it takes time for girls like Y/n to come through. Eventually, everything will get better for the both of you."

"Thank you Eomma Jin. This really helped. You're actually the first person to be this nice to me about my situation"

"Good, now go and get some sleep, it's too early for this."

Jimin listened and went to his room. This time he actually went to sleep. Even though he was still sad and guilty on the inside. All he wanted was for everything to clear up with  Y/n. The thing was, whenever he tried, it was like everything wanted to crash and burn to make things worse.
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{A/N}

Poor baby... If you want any changes or additions make sure to comment!