Connection

Chapter 8

[Trigger warning: self-harm, blood]

Margarita told them that she will send Hael back home if and only if she wants to be sent home. She was firm and clear that it had to be her granddaughter’s own willingness to go home and not anyone else’s. Lea didn’t say anything about that because nothing could really change her mother’s mind when it comes to her apo.

She’s sitting alone in the dining hall after everybody left; in her black slack and buttoned blouse for her supposed work. She hasn’t eaten anything for breakfast because what was served to her this morning was a dilemma about her missing daughter. What’s more, her mother arrived out of nowhere just to remind her of her dead son.

Matthew.

She hadn’t heard of that name out loud for so long until her mother did and pressed the replay button of that day. Now it won’t stop reeling in her head. Grief never left her in nearly seventeen years but it has never felt this profound again since the year she lost her angel. The fearless mask has worn off and the strong armor has melted away. All that was left to her was her fragility as a mother carrying all the shards of her broken heart.

Lea put her head in her hands, hoping she could miraculously insert them inside her head and stop the horrible film from rolling. Regret and bargaining came along with it because if she’s only given another chance to live that day again, she would do things differently. She would have made sure she wouldn’t lose him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, my baby.” she quietly sobbed as a tear broke free.

A clink of glass against the table stopped more tears from falling. Almost instantly, she programmed herself to the Lea she’s been projecting to everybody before looking up. She frowned at the sight of the moron standing a few meters away from her.

“Nanay said you haven’t eaten anything yet. She prepared that, I didn’t so you’re safe.”

“Why are you still here?”

Aga looked at her sad and still watery eyes. He chose not to say anything about that but it certainly was one of the reasons why he’s still here, “I figured you would need someone to talk to after what happened there.”

“And you assumed that’s you who I need?”

“Who else knows, feels, and understands the ruinous effect of Ma’s words better than me?” he asked and took a seat, leaving only one chair between them. “Birds of the same feather flock together, I guess. Your mother basically hates both of us.”

“She hates me more because I’m her daughter and her granddaughter’s mother. And I’m nowhere near her standards of a good one.”

“The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,” he commented. “I wish Hael fell far from you though.”

Lea wasn’t sure if he intended to be heard for that, but she did hear him anyway, “Can I ask...” she was starting to speak when she realized she shouldn’t have started in the first place. Aga looked at her and, for a moment, he looked like he was about to apologize to her. “Nevermind. I think you’ve already made the answer clear to me. You should leave. You are still not welcome here and I am late for work.”

“I think it’s unfair that you won’t let me speak for myself. What is it?”

“I said, leave.”

“Do I still blame you for what happened, is that what you were supposed to ask?”

“No.” she was quick to rebuild the wall she didn’t realize she was slowly letting down. “And it’s as if I still need to ask. It was clear to me then and it’s still clear to me now.”