Adventures of Ballwin

Chapter Three: There's a Guy Next to Me

Moosies! Moose eyes! Yeah, it's octopi. Just like deer! Just a bunch of deer! The plural is deer! Look at all those fish. Mooses! Oh, man.

(I don't even know.)

Oh, god. Moose eyes? Don't. Good morning! Ah!

He wakes up in a prison cell... because he wouldn't listen to Fluffy. I'M TRYING TO THINK! Um... Sir Fluffy came down to let him out but Ballwin had to promise to do what he was told. Um... *laughter* uh... But Ballwin refused to listen to Fluffy because he didn't care what he thought, he just wanted to go home and stay with his weed friends. No, stay with his weed friends.

And... so Sir Fluffy left and locked the door and didn't come back for two weeks. And Ballwin starved. He can eat his rotten flesh. Ooh, you've got black nail polish...

Um... yeah. And so Ballwin sat in his cell twiddling his thumbs singing Fake by 5FDP. Yeah. Um—OH! I should've put Zombie! And so Ballwin somehow found some weed in his cell—it just appeared out of nowhere. And he smoked it, and he got real—he got real high. Then Ballwin started playing with his soul—yeah, soul. I don't know how a zombie has a soul, but he does. Leave Ballwin alone.

No! No, where did they go? What's your song about? DEATH. Oh... okay. And then... Sir Fluffy came back down and said, "Are you ready to listen?"

Ballwin stuck up his middle finger and said, "Fuck you, motherfucker, go suck a dick."

And then Sir Fluffy threw another potion that made Ballwin fall and DIE—just kidding. JK. The potion made him... fall asleep for three months. You're not school appropriate! *laughter* Are you getting that? Oh, my...

And then... and then... and then Ballwin woke up and started singing Zombie by Bad Wolf. Yes. Oh! *laughter* Put your headphones on and be quiet!

And then... then Ballwin found a window he could get out. It magically appeared in his cell Like *snaps fingers* that! And the bars were licorice, so he ate them. And... um... then he started running! And he said "I'M AS FREE AS A BIRD NOW!"

And then he kept running and running and running. Kind of like Forrest Gump. And he had his hands in the air like he just don't care! Then he went into some woods. It was dark... it was black... it was kind of scary. He saw his ex... she was murdered. And then he was like, "Yeah, she was a bitch. She deserved to die."

*laughter* And... Ballwin just all of a sudden just turned around and magically poofed back into the cell. And Sir Fluffy was standing outside his cell. *singing* And Sir Fluffy let him out and took him to a room. It was very dark. And then he was tied to a chair and left for four months. There was no food, no weed. He thought he was going to die without his weed. At that point, he thought he wasn't addicted to his weed, but he was. And he thought Sir Fluffy would come back faster than he actually did.

I'm sorry for this entire chapter. I'm sleep deprived because I went to a concert. There's nothing other than death...

Yeah, you put something in there I didn't want you to put in here! Laurel Olivia Watts! Oh my god, give my address away and I'll kill you. *laughter* Back to Ballwin. Ballwin the amazing high zombie. Don't you touch him! Where's Ballwin at right now? I'm so, like, dead right now I don't even... Jaden? Hey Jaden? What're you doing? You shouldn't be watching that! Can you believe he's watching that? Did you put that in there? *sigh* Death. This is going to be a long chapter. That is. This is so Instagram-worthy. You've never met my dog, have you? I don't KNOW! You want to see small? That's small! Yeah. Thanks, people. *sigh*

And then Ballwin said, "There're a lot of little grimlets around here!" But he was just high again. That'd be great. If you get me pissed off, that's the end of you. If I got in an argument, I'd say so many things just to win.

And he just started spinning and spinning and spinning. "They're everywhere! Help!" Jesus take the wheel...

*laughter* Ahem. <No.> (Yeah!) <No!> (Yeah!) Laurel is <>, grayshoes1 is ()

Yeah! Can't we just have peace? Yeah. But that'll never happen because Ballwin doesn't exist and he's the only one who creates peace. Yeah! And Ballwin—I killed my friend and it sucks—I kissed a dude and I liked it—

(Sorry for this.)

I kissed a dude and I—I don't like the way she cut her hair. It looks worse. And she shouldn't have dyed it. White. I know, I'll get a picture, it's so disgusting. I'm getting so much hate for saying bad things about Katy Perry, but—I love Katy Perry, but—look. Yeah, her original black! I like the haircut, but it would've looked better. She had her hair pink, and yeah, I like pink hair.

Go back to Ballwin! Where was Ballwin at?

And he started seeing unicorns, so he sang, "Pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows... pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows."

And then he started just—a random guitar—acoustic guitar—popped into his hands. And he started playing—*laughter*—Meant to Be.

I'm so tired I don't even know anymore. You're putting that in there, aren't you? Well, we got a text.

Ballwin's phone buzzed and it was Sir Fluffy. *laughter* And they texted about how Ballwin's head hurt from being high so much. *whispered* I am the government. And Ballwin got another thing of weed and just smoked it because he thought vapes are gay... hella gay. Me too! I just get on YouTube or Wattpad and start reading! And then Mom walks by and she's like, why are you on your phone? Not the new shoes! Oh, no.

Now we need to end it. That's enough. Let's end it.

THE END UNTIL WE GET AN IDEA FOR CHAPTER FOUR!