Last night he left our home at 12 am talking about he needed juice. He needed juice alright, juice that isn't mine. Unfortunately, I still love this unfaithful bastard. I've been in love with this man since I was 19. I've given him my all and everyt...
I stayed in the living room because I wasn't ready for bed. I went into the bedroom and pulled out the little laptop I had purchased. I hadn't set it up yet, so I decided that's what I wanted to do with my time while I was awake. I went and took it out of my tote, it fits in there perfectly. I opened it and turned it on. Once it booted up, I named it, gave it a password, and went to see what I can see. I don't know much about computers, but I learned quite a bit from Sharee. She's a little techie. It seems like she knows it all. She's so young and she knows so much. When I was at the store I asked them if it came with a screen I can write on. She said I would need office 2013, so I bought it. I took that out of my bag to install it. It was a pretty program. I went through everything on there. This was really nice. It had all bells and whistles, and templates for just about everything. I think I am in laptop love. I've got to get Sharee to show me how some of this other stuff works. I finally started to get sleepy. I turned off my computer, put it back in my bag, and climbed into bed, drifted off, and it wasn't hard.
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I felt like I was well-rested when I woke up the next morning. It was a new day, but everything I was worried about the day before came rushing back to me. Before I climbed out of bed, I said the serenity prayer out loud. I said I was going to have a lovely day, yes it's going to be a lovely day. I was going with a positive vibe until I walked past the living area. Gavin was sitting on my couch like he was waiting for me. I looked over at him and continued on into the kitchen to find myself some breakfast. I thought about making some eggs, but I decided to heat up leftovers instead. When he came into the kitchen I thought to myself, I really needed to change the code for the alarm. If I had I would have known when he came into my house. That's right, it's my house. He may have a key, but this place is mine. He seemed a little bothered.
"You seem a little too happy today. No argument? No, why are you here Gavin?"
"No, Gavin none of that. I'm having a great morning. Please don't kill my vibe."
"Oh, you Kendrick Lamar now?"
"I don't know who that is. I learned that from our daughter Sharee. She says it to me all the time."
"Listen, I'm sorry about Shantay and everything she did. I had to put her in her place. I told her never to approach you or our children again."
"She came into Applebee's and threw your proposal at me, I guess she thought if it came from her, I'd say yes."
"She did that on her own. I never asked her to approach you. I'm a grown man, I can do that for myself. What's the verdict?"
"The answer is still no. I deserve more than being in some weird love triangle. I deserve a man who will love me and only me."
"You remember Urkel and Laura from Family Matters, right?"
"Yeah, that was a funny show, too bad it went off the air. Good television really doesn't exist anymore"
"Well, Adassa I'll wear you down until you say yes to this."
"You need to just give me a divorce, I'll never ever say yes to this."
"We're married. I love you, I can't do that."
"It'll be simple, I'll find a lawyer and get the papers drawn up."
"There's no need to do all of that."
I kept talking about the divorce. He wasn't understanding me. I kept rambling on and on until he grabbed me and raised my chin, so I could look into his eyes.
"I still love you Adassa.
He kissed me, and it felt like we were us again. I kissed him back, and I really shouldn't have. That's considered leading him on.
"Gavin I can't."
He kissed me again, but this time he picked me up and walked down the hall to the bedroom. He put me down on the bed and kissed me again. He mumbled.
"You are mine Adassa, you'll always be mine."
My shirt went up over my head, then my bra and shorts fell to the floor. He pushed me down on the bed and climbed up on it. He put his face in a place a face isn't supposed to go, he came up kissed me, and entered me. It felt so good I got lost in the moment, the minutes, and the hours.
Gavin was never subtle about what he wanted, and clearly, he still wanted me. He kept telling me life wouldn't be life without me. I just laid there in silence and listened to him. This session was needed, but it changed nothing. If I couldn't be the only woman Gavin wanted or loved, then I couldn't be with him. I wouldn't tell him that right now though, it would ruin the moment. I loved this moment, and I know it's one of our last ones.
I looked over and he had fallen into a deep sleep. He began to snore, believe it or not, I missed that about him. I was still wrapped in his arms when he passed out. I slowly climbed out from under him and went to take a shower. After my shower, I got dressed, went into the kitchen, and heated up, what was now a late lunch. Kendra called to let me know the children were okay. She dropped them off at school. She told me that they wanted to stay for a while longer. I told her it was fine, I'd bring more clothes for them later.
I made myself some orange juice to go with my late lunch and went over to the couch. I put it down on the coffee table and picked up my phone to check my messages. There was a good afternoon text from Mr. Colon. I turned on the television and flipped through the channels. They were having reruns of Criminal Minds on Ion. I think this is what I will do with the rest of my day, something I haven't done in a long time, lounge.
