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Chapter 21

Thursday 4th January
I walk through my front door, inhaling the homely sent, it was weird how you could never tell what your home smells like until you spend time away. It was hard to describe, it was sweet with a hint of lavender. Making me feel comfortable. I slip my suit case behind the door frame and head upstairs. My mother had work early and didn't finish for another two hours. It was strange coming to an empty house especially after being away for so long.
I never did quite get around to finishing my books so I decide to sit in my window seat and read for a while until my mother gets home. The plane had touched down at around six am and I had to make my own way home. Kie and Bradley had taken me to the airport and had walked me all the way to the gates.
The sun feels warm pickling against my skin, I know it's probably nothing but somthing inside me longs to be back in new York. Lying in Bradley's arms. A tear forms in my eyes and falls over the lips beginning it's decent down my cheek. I wipe it away. It may take a while but one day me and Bradley will be back together. He was like a drug that I just couldn't give up. Every minute I was away from him hurt me even more than the last.
I don't get too far into paper towns, two chapters in I find myself glaring out of the window as the early morning sun reaches it highest point in the sky. I wonder what Bradley is doing at this exact moment.  Probably sleeping. Tucked up tight in his blankets. I wish I was there with him. If anything it was the only place I wanted to be after seeing my mother again for the first time in nearly a month that was. It was crazy how much my emotions had developed in the short time that I had been with him. I dressed facing
Ella, I don't even know what I would say to her. I still need to tell her everything that had happened and the moment that thought flickers through my head I hear the door bell ring. I jump up from the window seat and run down stairs. My heart beating faster than it has ever done before. I swing open the door and my eyes land upon my mother. I'm a little taken back at first Janet had dyed her hair an almost ginger shade making her look younger than she actually was. I jump in to her arms and inhale her warming smell. She pulls back with a huge grin in her face.
"I've missed you so much sammy" she says her grin growing larger. For some reason her use of the word Sammy doesn't affect me at all. My mind flicks back to Bradley and the amount of times he called me Sammy. I used to get so frustrated with Ella when she called me Sammy but the way Bradley would say it made me feel warm and loved. My mother steps aside and I find myself holding my breath. Ella stands behind her once completely blocked from my sight. She stands there her hand pressed against her groin. She wears a knees length dress with black and white stripes across the front. janet heads into the house leaving me alone to speak to Ella. He steps forward to walk into the house but iI move to the side to block her path.
She looks up at me confused and I can't stop my head form spinning. Too many throughts  rushing through my head. Not knowing how to tell her what I need to say.
"Ella I'm sorry, I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to cone out and say it" i leave a moment for the words to register in her mind. The silence is tence and awkward.
"I've met someone, and I'm sorry but I can't see you anymore" I finally say almost regrestting it but not at the same time. Tears form in her eyes but she doesn't say anything she just stairs looking at me with her mouth parted wanting to say somthing but unable too. The tears brake through the barriers the tears rolling down her face. And without a word she turns away and makes her way back down the garden and out of my sight.
I slam the door shut and walk in to the living area where my mother is sat with a glass of wine in her hand starting up at me. Clearly she had been waiting for me to finish my convosation.
"So you met someone" she says a little confused.
"Yeah"
"Yano Sam you're my son so I'm always going to be on your side but I wish you would treat girls with a little more respect. You could of broken it a little more gently" Janet says glancing away feeling guilty for saying it but at the same time needing to.
I stay silent looking down at the slits between the floor boards.
"So do you have a photo of the girl that stole your heart" she says grinning a little but not too much. I slowly make my way to the seat beside her. Sitting on the edge of the chair.
"Mom... I... need to tell you somthing, but before I do I need to know that I'm still me and I haven't changed. Maybe I'm more me than I've been in years" I say picking at my finger nails.
Janet leans back into her seat making herself comfortable. Her eyes raise and she grabs the wine glass with both hands.
"Why would you be anyone else" she says then waits for me to make my big confession.
I slip my phone from my Jean pocket and unlock it. The click makes me jump even though I have hear it everyday for years. I take back what I said earlier. In this moment right not it's the fasted my heart has ever beaten. I load up a picture of me and Bradley that I had taken in the airport less than an hour before boarding and angle the phone towards her.
"This is who I met" I say clenching my eyes tight waiting for her to explode but just like Ella she remains silent looking at the photo.
"Wait isn't he the guy from the computer" she says one eyebrow raised.
"Yeah" I confess.
"Ahh well this explains your upsession with that guys from the vampires" at first I don't understand but then it hits me. She means the vampire dires, from the ages of eleven I had watched the show and had been totally upsessed with one of the main characters.  Stephan. Honestly I didn't see it myself but evening used to comment on how much I spoke about him and now. Well I guess my mother was right. I guess I did have a little thing for him but that had been taken away when I got with Ella as well as everything else she took away from my life
"So you knew" I ask her.
"I didn't know but I had a feeling and as you said your still you. Just becuase your finally brave enough to be truthful to yourself doesn't mean you have changed" I breath a sigh of relief. For some reason I had hyped the situation up in my mind preparing myself for the worst possible outcome.
"I love you Mom"
"I love you too"