The Month Of July

Chapter 2

I wait on my bed for Ryan to come out, studying Daniel's facial features. Wow, I never realized how paralyzed I felt while I was kissing him until now. I tuck the picture away in a safe spot in my suitcase. Ryan comes out in his boxers and lays beside me, tucking us underneath the covers. It's undeniable that I feel suffocated in this relationship. I want to run back to Danny right now. Ryan pulls me in for a kiss and I panic as I realize that Danny's still lingering on my breathe. What the hell do I do?

"Wait a minute, I haven't brushed my teeth yet." I get up quickly and go brush my teeth, sighing of relief. I stare at myself in the mirror. You, my dear, are one mixed up chameleon. I'm normally great in these situations. I'm sly, cunning and I can sweet talk anyone. I lie as well as I keep secrets, like a lock. Somehow, Danny has me confused, I normally have all the right words to say, now I don't even know what I want. I slip back in bed right next to Ryan. His blue eyes look hurt. "What's wrong Ryan?"

Did I offend him by leaving?

"Nothing." He stares at the ceiling for a bit, saying nothing and leaving me feeling hurt. Why does it always have to end as a disaster? And then I guess something came over me, guilt? Love? But I go and pull Ryan in for a long kiss, not regretting it, but still feeling weird. Oh god, here it comes, I can just feel it. Ryan pulls away from me and opens his mouth to say something. Watch, 'Do you love Danny?'.

"You're my bright and shining star, the beginning to my end, you fill the void in my heart Sabrina." What do I say? I've been avoiding 'I love you's at every cause. With Danny or not because I don't want to convince myself I love Ryan. That would be lying. I smile and go in for another kiss, not knowing what the hell I want to say.

I wake up to the constant buzz of Toronto pick up, the cars rushing by, the birds tweeting and...Danny? I get up out of bed, noticing Ryan is gone. I smile at Danny sitting on my couch.

"Hey, where's Ryan?"

"Ryan went back to hang out with the boys."

"Okay, why aren't you there?"

"Because I wanted to come see you." Danny smiles and pats the spot beside him on the couch. I sit and Danny gives me a cup of coffee. I snuggle into him and we sip our coffee in silence. I'm almost positive that Danny is thinking just as fast as I am, wondering what will happen next. "So, we have seven more days till we're off. What are you planning on doing?"

"I don't know." I honestly hadn't really thought of that. If I was going back to Colorado with Ryan, or staying in Toronto. All I knew was that Danny wouldn't be there.

"Would you consider going somewhere alone with me? Just you and I?" I would, but that means I would have to confront Ryan about my feelings, something I've avoided forever.

Danny's hazel eyes stare down at me, waiting for an answer. "Danny that means I have to confront my feelings. I have to tell Ryan how I feel, I'm not comfortable with letting people down." Danny stays quiet. The rush of cars pick up the silence in the room and carries it away with them, leaving us in a semi-silenced room. My ears ring, waiting to hear something come out of Danny's mouth.

"You're going to have to tell him sooner or later." All that time I gave him to think of a smart answer and that's all he says? It's weird because Danny's so great with words.

"Well, I guess sooner meaning after his birthday and later meaning...August." The silence in the room becomes annoying. Why is this conversation leaving him so stumped? Maybe he just doesn't want to talk about it. I never thought I'd end up in a 'the other man' situation in a relationship. For something like this to just slip, for me to fall in love with someone else is, odd. "Do you want something to eat?" I get up from the couch and set my coffee down on the coffee table.

"Eh! I'm not done with you yet! I still wanted to sit with you!" I laugh but proceed to go find something to eat.

"So?" I ask him as he sits down at the counter.

"So what?" He asks, rather confused.

"So, do you want something to eat?"

"No, I'm fine." I pull out a frying pan and make myself an egg. I pop some toast in the toaster as well. When my egg is done, I sit beside Danny.

"Are you going to eat the whites of your egg?" He asks, glancing over at my plate.

"No, I don't like them."

"Then give them to me, I'll eat them." I grab another plate for Danny and give him the whites. I get up to grab orange juice and suddenly Danny wants a glass too.

"Daniel, why just as I sit down?" Danny laughs. "You suck."

"What else am I here for?" He retorts. "I'm here to consume all of your food and bother you."

"Clearly." Danny laughs, once again and finishes his orange juice.

"What do you do with dishes around here?"

"I have a dishwasher..."

"Right, I see that now."

I shake my head. "You are so stupid."

"Hey! That's not nice to say Sabrina."

"The truth hurts." I say simply.

"Are you all packed and ready for Boston?" He changes the subject, clearly not wanting to discuss obvious reasons why he is stupid.

"Yeah, I packed a few nights ago."

"Well aren't you ahead of the game."

"I want to get out of this tiny house."

"Tour buses are barely an upgrade."

"Well, you're out of it for most of the day, aren't you?" That's what I expected because from what I heard, Ryan is always out and about, exploring culture, seeing new things.

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Aren't you always out and about in Toronto too though?"

"Not really, I stay inside a lot, if you're not in to shopping, crowds or parks, there's nothing but work."

"Street performers, don't you watch them?"

"No, almost never."

"Hmm. Where do you want to go today? We have a bit of the day off in Toronto but we're leaving at three."

"I don't know, let's see what everyone else is doing first." Oh dear god don't make me walk around Toronto with two famous bands.

"Alright, go get dressed." I run upstairs and find that Danny is following close behind me. I pull out my clothes, really just grabbing anything and shoo Danny out as I get dressed.