Love and War

Part 4: You Start Tomorrow

"Ok, so no sir. What else?" I grabbed a paper and pen to begin taking notes, my anxiety filled to the brim. Axe gently placed his warm palm over my hand and pressed.

            "Calm down, girl, this isn't an interview for NASA, you're ok." I smiled, my breath hitched slightly from the looming anxiety attack. "I want to know it all before you become part of my team. James here tells me you come with a past. I'm not afraid of baggage, but, I have to know what you're bringing on board. My team is my family and I treat them as such, I have to know you're on the same vibe." His hand was still placed firmly over mine as I slightly moved mine from under it.

            "I'd love to be a part of a family, again." I nodded, agreeing with his request. Tears began to form in my eyes as I started the same story that I told James, but, in greater detail. I could feel them holding on to each word as I told them the whole truth.

            "He forced you to have a miscarriage?" James hand sealed over his mouth, trying to hide his disgust. I nodded in confirmation. 

            "I was 25. Shoved me down the stairs, twice for good measure. I miscarried the next day." I paused, taking in a moment. "I mean, how was I supposed to make him money if I was pregnant?" 

            "Don't do that; don't justify him." Axe started. 

            "Who could do that to the woman they love? And their child?" James interrupted. "I swear if Sammi could get pregnant, I would kill a man for even so much as sneezing on her." 

            "No wonder you're so anxious all the fucking time. Jesus. You couldn't do anything right." Axel asked me to continue. So, I did. I tried to avoid the stares of pity and disgust as I finished my story.

            "That's everything." I ended, sitting back and eying my still full plate of food. I shuffled the fries from side to side, my appetite completely destroyed. I always feel disgusting when I think about Leo. James shifted uneasily in his seat, clearly disgusted. I couldn't help worrying that they were disgusted with me. I mean, I did horrible things in my past. Axe, however, seemed angry, seething with resentment. Shit, I blew it. I began to shift my weight nervously in my chair before James placed his hand on my shoulder to calm me. His reassuring hand squeezed me gently.

            "You're fucking hired." Axe said, walking around the table and gesturing me to stand up. The look of shock on my face must've echoed clear, because, he interrupted the awkward silence. "Come here. Let's get you another drink." I smiled. James nodded towards us as he walked to the door.

            "Axe, get her home safe, ok?" James waved. "I'll call ya later, Jeanie. You're welcome." He smiled as he walked to his car.

            "How did you get through it?" He asked, the bartender pouring another round.

            "No choice, I had to. He tried to warn me that he'd always find me. 'no matter how far or how fast you run, I'll always find you'" I changed my voice to mimic Leo's. "He told me that over and over. I always figured it was a fear tactic. I didn't know how real that statement was until I tried to be free. When I finally decided to be done, I was so scared. I knew he was going to hurt me, but I had hoped the other Leo would have come through, even a little bit. He never did. I just remember waking up in the hospital with bullet wounds and my head shaved. In his confession, he told them everything. I guess, after he shot me, I wasn't dead, so he kept kicking me in the back of the head until I stopped breathing. Luckily, the neighbors heard the gunshots and called 9-1-1. I'd be dead had they not done that. 10 years with that man, he tries to kill me, and all he gets is 25 years. 25 fucking years." I hung my head, my eyes gazing to the floor. "Even now, he's in prison, and I pay for his mistakes. Me. I'm the one who can't keep a job, can't pay my bills, I'm the one who triple checks locks and hates walking alone at night. Me. Meanwhile, he gets 3 square meals a day and a warm bed to sleep in." The scars at the top of my head were still noticeable when my hair fell forward. I could feel Axel's eyes staring holes into my scalp, noting every detail. Those little patches of hair that would never grow always there to remind me of him. Everything reminds me of him. A loud shattering sound snapped me from my gaze as I jumped forward and lunged to the door. A heavy arm reached out and stopped me.

            "It was just a glass." His voice was a soft whisper in my ear. My chest was heaving violently, but he just pulled me back to the stool and looked me in the eyes. I was humiliated. Who would want a jumpy, anxious employee with such a clothed past? He put his hand on the bar and waved for us to be finished, offering me water.

            "So, tell me about your business?" I said, taking the glass of water from his hands.

            "I'm a consultant. I help people." I cocked my brows slightly as he feverishly grinned.  "You start tomorrow," His eyes dared me to protest, but I had no reason to.