sometimes i wonder

The Truth

Jeon Jungkook had taken something I owned. I didn't know exactly what, but it was stolen away from me. And it was his fault. I wanted to know what he did to me that made this mess. And so I had to find out.

Jungkook  was kept in the bars, pushed away from me as I bumped my way trhough the officers. "JUNGKOOK! LET ME EXPLAIN!" I waved out my hand, I wanted him to call out my name, but he turned his back at me and walked away, his hands chained and his mouth zipped shut. He took his last step before we were separated completely. With no one next to me now, I felt too empty inside. Jungkook had something Jimin didn't. He had secrets.

"You-You can't do this." I breathed as Namjoon closed the bars closed and locked it. His face was in a messed up chunk of guilt. He shook his head in dismay. The Hyungs had been dismissed, back to actual cement, they had grown to be taller, especially Yoongi hyung. They held me closely so I didn't topple over too close to Kookie. And for the first time since Myun Hee's death, I felt the tears coming back, like old friends. Jungkook hid in the shadows, but I knew he saw me. "Jungkook.."I had nothing else to say. Jin held my stomach, telling me that it was okay when it wasn't.  The truth was, it didn't feel complete when it was just Jimin without Jungkook. He was the first guy I had fun with, he was cute ever since I fell on him. Jungkook inched closer to the light. He had jagger eyes. But instead of looking at me, he looked deep into Jin's eyes. "I want you to tell him the truth," he said. He eyed me, then left. Jin tugged on my shoulder, while the other hyungs stepped back, out of prison at last. "Eomma I MISS YOUR COOKING ALREADY!!" Hoseok and Yoongi sang in unison. But Jin was by my side, he was hesitating and pulling back his happiness for some reason.

After that, everything was just me and Jungkook's absence. His school desk and chair haunted me, to be honest. My heart throbbed. It hurt when I thought of him. So every day, I came back to Ma and gathered my sadness with hers. We thought of our lives, of just me and Ma. Forever. And how Jungkook and Myun Hee was forgotten by everyone else except us. My tears shed and fell to her shoulders, we cuddled close until her breath was hot on my cheeks. I love Ma.

My life had fast forward too fast. Within a week, I came out of the school gates to see Jimin holding Charlie by her hips, whispering in her ear, hugging so violently at fisrt that I got worried, but then, I figured why. Jimin was on a roll now that he got a degree for Arts. He was going to enter ACADEMY OF FINE ARTS and I actually wasn't that jealous, I just wanted him to be happy. His new school had new uniforms and pretty jackets that was worth a million. But he was going to be fine there, I hoped. He bought his new blazer, a dark violet. I was jealous at first, but his eyes were filled with such excitement, ready to grow out his shell and fly. And me, a total opposite of him, was stuck in school to finsih this scary nightmare of missing two people I loved. It's just been a week. And everyone's moving forward so fast. And they're leaving me behind, I want to run away from everything. And just let go. I don't want to save anyone right now but me and Jungkook. Now Jimin's gone. On his last day, he gave me his 'I GOT JAMS' cap he once loved so much. "Promise me you'll do good there, we can meet sometime soon." he smiled widely at me, then pulled me to his hard chest. "I'll miss you." he whispered sweetly. We hugged and he left. Just like everyone did.

I was playing my usual basketball match, thinking about the hoop, but my thought just keeps crowding. Yoongi hyung threw the ball on my head. I fell to the ground, my head turning. "HEY! PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME BOY!" he scared me with his raspy voice. That was it. I was done. My sweat dripped from my chin and onto the heating gravel. I got and walked away from him, shoving the ball in his chest. Took everyone by surprise, including me. Although I didn't know where to go, I knew who to cry to. No, I'm not a mummy's boy...I'm a man..

Jin had become a better person that he already had, he had a sweet feel when I was with him. Like a prince, more like a dream. He smiled at me. "Hello, TaeTae." that was what all the hyungs called me now. "How're you feeling?" he asked. I shrugged, trying on a smile. "You're still sad about Jungkook." I immediately turned to him when he said that word. My eyes grew wider. "I knew it." he said, then put his hand on my shoulder. He kept his smile, only this time he bit his lip. That made me worry a lot. Once we got out the scary building, he followed me home. "Taehyung, I have to talk with you for a while, private."

He played with his thumbs as I arranged my things on my desk. I got on my seat. "What is it?" I asked. "There's something I need to tell you."he was so stern. Did I commit a crime? I kept my gaze at him. "Jungkook is not what you think, and he doesn't..he's..." Oh my god...no way...

"Innocent?" he clenched his fists. "Yes." I gulped hard. THEN WHY THE HELL IS HE IN PRISON FOR GOD'S SAKE??????

"Not all leaders are leaders all the time," Jin told me once, I remember. "I was scared of dying, and now I'm so damn guilty." Damn...I've never heard him say 'damn'. WELL, THEN WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? "Jungkook isn't some ordinary guy who luckily filled up Myun Hee's place after the incident," he said. He held my hand. I wanted to drop dead. "He's Myun Hee's twin brother."