sometimes i wonder

Always Here For You

Park Jimin had his favorite cap on, stating 'i have jams' in bold. He smoothly sat down next to me, back on my shady, quiet spot, under a tree. I didn't want to talk that day, I just wanted time to ponder, to let loose and wake up.

"Hey, some boys wanna eat with you, but we couldn't find you." he showed a fist, hoping I would fist bump him, but I waited for him to realize I wasn't in the mood. "Let them be, I don't wanna be found anyway." I kicked a stone, watching it fall into a puddle of mud. Jimin was good in this, he always was, he read me well. That was why we knew each other well,we understood the shit life throws at us.

"Hey." suddenly, as I followed the body of the owner of that word, it scared me. A total stranger, was smiling at us. He looked like he came from heaven. "hyung.." I couldn't help but say, he looked familiar. Oh yes, that handsome senior that helped me back in primary school. He looked even more handsome now, taller even. Jimin stared at him adoringly, he greeted him respectfully. "You've grown."he smiled, sitting with us. "Tae, this is Kim SeokJin, head leader of level arts, he asked to have lunch with you just now." Jimin introduced him to me. Jin lent me a hand, then we made our way to the canteen.

I only had eyes for Myun Hee, so I kept my head hanging low, ignoring the large crowds. I wanted to disappear. We got to a blue table, different from the others, reserved for the seniors. Then, that was when the worst got even more worse.

"Yah, Jin, what's this?" one of the big boys asked, his muscles the size of my head. I let go of Jin's hand, humiliated. So I'm a thing now? It's the basketball player, the small one, he had his eyes on me. I sat closer to Jin, trying to not be so noticeable. There's another one in a blue blazer, darker than Jin's, his hair dark and smooth. "You're looking sleepy, skinny." he said, patting on my shoulder. He has a pretty wide smile, he has dimples. "Hoseok, the others call me J-Hope. Head of Arts, together with Jin, but different category." he shook my hands, then sat back down, sipping on his macchiato. The small one looked at him with dagger eyes. "Saw how you brought little Yoongi down, that was awesome man!" he said, his eyes enlarged. "Okay, that's it." the one called Yoongi stood up, making me feel small. Everyone fell to silence as he angrily took his tray with him and leave. Jimin and I exchanged looks. "Yoongi-ah, don't be too jealous, he's just a kid!" one of the boys shouted to him, all of them laughing hysterically. Jimin hid his smile. "Sorry, Grumpy is just mad cos one of his juniors beat him." one of them said, his shiny gel-ed hair distracted me. "I like him." Jimin bluntly said, his eyes still on him. Everyone laughed even more. "He is a catch, isn't he?" Jin commented.

It started pouring outside, and Jimin and I were just returning our library books in the library when I saw Myun Hee. Her hands were full, her normal blue bag was dirty. But she was the same, everything else was pretty. I ran over to her, but she backed away. "What's the matter?" I asked. "I have to go, Tae. I need to keep my distance." she told me sternly. "Look, we can talk this out. I'm sorry for not agreeing to this okay? Bring me to your family, I want to meet them." I urged, pleading, begging even. She shook her head. "Baby, it's too late. It's not for me to choose an us anymore. I'm moving." My heart jumped. I stood there, frozen. She can't be serious.

"To where!?" I yelped, voice cracking. "Far away, I think." she bit her lip, and so did I.There were sakura flowers blooming that season, and she was wearing a hoodie I bought for her birthday. She held me close, as I picked out a sakura leaf. She blew on it, made the petals fly into the wind, floating around us, it felt magical .Then, things got serious. She faced me, her big eyes haunting me. "Tae, it's your sweet sixteenth." she reminded me, her face was flawless under the sunlight. I swallowed hard. "Sweet sixteens are for girly girls like you." I joked, poking her, knowing she was ticklish. She hit me with her textbook. "Stahp- I'm serious." she pouted, and so I squeezed her puffy cheeks. "It's supposed to be the most important part of your life Tae. And I wanna ask," she was lost in her own world, she was tired of chasing after me, and I knew that. I could tell from the way she shuffled her feet whenever she had to run to me for my help. Her once bright spirit had eclipsed. It's was my fault, and standing there for her to celebrate my birthday, it was unfair. I knew I had to agree to at least something she says now, that way, I wouldn't feel guilty. It was my turn to return the favor.